Aspergers - Dissolving Autism

FROM WILLIAM: I was reminded again last week as we worked with parents and professionals, in our Son-Rise Program Start-Up course, that the main challenge with children/adults with Aspergers or High Functioning Autism is creating and sustaining interactive relationships with family, teachers, peers etc. - essentially their ability to be socially successful.

Their number one challenge is not speech because they are good at talking, in fact many of them can talk and talk and talk especially about a favorite topic (i.e. who's coming next to be with them, what happened to dad six months ago at the mall, what fish are at the aquarium, the specific train lines on the London underground, etc.). Many individuals with Aspergers or High Functioning Autism don't use their extensive language ability and only use it to communicate to get their needs met. No matter how much they use or do not use their speech their main challenge still comes down to their autism.

The way to help them dissolve their autism and become more socially successful is to help them become more interested in and enjoy interacting with other people. You do this by running a Son-Rise Program with them - get them into your social gym (a playroom or focus room) where through play and enjoyable activities with another person they learn how to be more social.

Even 1-2 hrs a day will make a difference. Make having fun together the priority versus teaching them. You can't teach or lecture them out of their autism!

Thank you to all the parents and professionals last week who were here to help your Aspergers or High Functioning Autistic child/adult. It is always a pleasure and inspiring to work with you.

Love and smiles

William

Bedtime Blog 2

FROM BECKY: This is the next installment on my series of blogs about bedtime for your children. Here are some more ideas about helping your child to sleep or to transition into their own bedroom.

1) Take a look at your child's diet and limit sugar and carbs in the evening. Even if the sugar comes from fruit or fruit juice, it is still sugar and this can cause hyperactivity which won't help your child get into a relaxed state before bed. Also it's important to not give them lots and lots of fluids at least an hour before your preferred bedtime for them. The less liquid they have in their system, the less likelihood of them wanting to get up and go to the bathroom.

2) Some children have very severe sensory challenges and would benefit from complimentary therapies to The Son-Rise Program, such as HANDLE and the Alert program. A Mom I spoke to recently described her son as literally having the sensation that he was "Floating in space" when he was in his bed and he craved sleeping in her bed so that he could have a greater awareness of propreoception (where his body was in space). If your child is constantly moving or needing impact or pressure on his body, throughout the day, it is a sign that sensory issues come into play.

3) Be a detective! If your child seems to need the feeling of you lying next to him then give him stimulation on his body such as deep pressure squeezes or a pillow filled with dried beans that can lay on his body or next to him/her as you help him/her drift off to sleep. Try changing the laundry detergent you use or his/her bedsheets, perhaps the texture feels a certain way on your child's body.

4) Keep your energy low at bedtime. This is the one time of day when we recommend that you don't use energy, excitement and enthusiasm. The more slow and boring we can make our actions and responses to our children the better. We are trying to help them switch off and by wildly chasing them around or reading a story in our best cookie monster voice we can add to their challenges. This is the time to be the quiet centered calm in their storm.

More coming soon!

Some Specifics of Our Journey with Food

FROM JEANNIE: One of the first problem issues with my son, Carson, which set off the developmental alarm bells with the doctors, was A MAJOR FEEDING PROBLEM. By the age of one y.o., when children are supposed to be starting to gobble yogurt, oatmeal, applesauce, etc, Carson was practically eating nothing. All he wanted was his bottle, in which he had been getting pre-digested protein formula (per Celiac disease, although not yet specifically diagnosed at that stage) and Cheerios. Whenever I tried to give him "normal" foods, he backed away, turned his head and did whatever he could to avoid getting it in his mouth. Even mild smells and textures produced a strong gag response too. IF YOU LOOK UP THE DEFINITION OF FOOD AVERSION (a sensory integration issue), CARSON WAS THE TEXTBOOK EXAMPLE.

First we followed the Doctor's advice and took him to the OT dept at a big local hospital. All they really tried to teach us was to force feed him. AND LET ME TELL YOU.....IT DID NOT WORK AT ALL! So, for another year and a half or so, until we found the Son-Rise Program, we sort of limped along in frustration, anxiety, pressure, fear and misery.

However, after discovering the Son-Rise Program here is what we did. Honestly....next to nothing. WE WAITED until he showed signs of readiness, addressing other issues in the meantime, then proceeded AT HIS OWN PACE. We let him be our teacher and show us the way. And lo and behold, after a time of letting go of it, he started to get more and more interested!

At that pt, we just focused on what worked. So if he liked dry crunchies, we tried every dry crunchy thing out there we could find....but only mild flavors at first, gradually building up....and I do mean GRADUALLY. Any time we tried to push, he pushed back and we lost momentum. SLOW AND STEADY DEFINITELY WAS THE WAY. If we saw him looking at what someone else was eating, we offered him a little try, but did not react or push if he said no. And if he tried, of course we CELEBRATED! But not too big though, because the whole idea was to NOT MAKE TOO BIG A DEAL OUT OF IT.

Also, I always fixed his plate in an interesting or fun design, like a mandala or a smile face or creating numbers or letters. And I would cut the food into fun and varying shapes to make it appealing. Or use plates with colors or characters he liked such as Thomas and Blue's Clues. PLUS, VERY IMPORTANTLY, I CUT EVERYTHING VERY SMALL...otherwise he would gag, or simply not even try it. Since he also had motor issues as well, I wanted to take that out of the equation, as far as eating was concerned, so he could JUST EAT! NO UTENSILS FOR A LONG TIME EITHER....we tried, but it was just an interference. We are really just getting good at utensils now, at 9 y.o., but we WAITED until HE wanted to do it.

Now, Carson is not a great eater, but he is a GOOD EATER. He eats adequately, healthfully, and maintains a healthy weight. He is on the GF diet only (per blood tests) and loves pizza, spaghetti w/tomato sauce, mac n cheese, grilled cheese, potato chips, apples, grapes, juice, pineapple, corn, raw peppers/carrots/celery/spinach/lettuce, pancakes with real maple syrup only!, plain muffins, a couple kinds of dry cereal (no milk - eats with fingers), colby/mild cheddar/provolone/mozzarella/asiago cheeses, oh yeah and french fries with plenty of ketchup!

A LONG, LONG, LOOOOOONNNGGG WAY FROM ONLY FORMULA AND CHEERIOS!!

BE PATIENT... FOLLOW THE CHILD'S LEAD.... BREATHE....RELAX....TRUST....BELIEVE!!!

Namaste Everyone!
Jeannie

Lost Your 3Es?

FROM KATE: If you said "Yes! Help me!" - it's okay - you are completely normal. Many parents share with us that they sometimes have a hard time finding their 3Es. We want to help you maintain your energy and your passion for the playroom. Here are a few words of inspiration - enjoy!

With love,

Kate

Creative Conversations - A New Game Idea!

FROM KATE: Hi everyone! This week, we're going to turn you all into funny characters to help inspire your children to want to have longer conversations with you. This game will suit children in stages 4 and 5 of The Son-Rise Program Social Developmental Model.

When you try this game with your children, if you find yourself laughing uncontrollably, then you know you're teaching communication in the best way possible - the fun way!

Love to you all,

Kate

Bedtime Blog!

FROM BECKY: My next series of blogs is inspired by a consultation I recently had with one of our wonderful Son-Rise Program, Start-Up participants.

My child won't go to sleep, what do I do? The particular child in question would begin crying once in his room and then would continually come out of his bedroom and cry, whine, shout, scream, and generally keep the whole house awake for hours. This also applies to children that refuse to sleep in their own room or their own bed. If this sounds like you then please read on.......

1) Pick a week that you are going to help your child settle into their new bedtime routine and make sure that it is a week when you can afford to lose a couple of nights sleep. We don't recommend that you choose a week where you have visitors or an important meeting at work for example.

2) Believe that your child can and will change. Your child is doing the best they can to get what they want and don't want and you can help them by providing a loving, accepting but strong and determined attitude.

3) This is an act of love. Helping them settle will not only be helpful for them but for the whole family. Losing some sleep while you put this new way of being in place will help you later to get quality rest at night, therefore being more available to help your child in the long run. If you are rested, you will be able to be more present with them.

4) Get everyone in the family on board. If someone in the household caves in and allows your child to come out of their bedroom or sleep in your bed then you will defeat the object of what you are trying to achieve.

More coming soon!

The 3E's - Changing Your Voice

FROM SIMONE:

Son-Rise Attitude Public Moment

FROM JAMIE:A few years back I had a Son-Rise Attitude Pulic Moment that I will never forget. One reason I will never forget is because had I not taken on the "Son-Rise Attitude," I would have had a much different experience.....

I was taking Tyler to meet her dad for his scheduled visitation day. I had a doctor's appointment that day so he was going to pick her up early. We were meeting at a gas station that had a McDonalds restaurant inside. Tyler's dad hadnt arrived when we got there so we went inside to get something to drink. It was 12:00 pm at this time. The restaurant is filled with construction workers and other people coming in for lunch. Tyler and I are standing in line waiting to pay for our drinks. Tyler was standing behind me. I turned to her to get her drink to pay and noticed that I had forgotten that she still had my black bra in her hand and was dangling it in the air and isming. I just startede laughing ~ it was such a natural reaction for me at that time. It didnt matter to me who saw or what they thought. It was a real funny experience for me. Before my "Son- Rise Attitude" I would have been embarrassed and maybe even a bit apologetic. My experience would have been totally different. What a day to remember :) I am grateful for the Son-Rise Program so that Tyler and I can have these wonderful experiences always ~ at home or in public.

Love, Jamie

Do you want more energy in the room?

From Katrina: Every single moment of our lives we make a decision about who we are in that moment. Every single moment people all over the world are deciding to do different actions to reflect who they are. Now this may sound deeper than you think you are being, but its not.

Right now you are reading this blog. That decision tells me you want to help a child, you are interested in personal growth, and you are finding ways to accomplish this goal. Every thing we do in every moment is a choice in that moment. When we acknowledge that we have the power in each moment to decide how to be and what to do to make that happen we are empowering ourselves for success.


Yesterday does not matter- that was who you chose to be yesterday. Last minute does not matter - that was who you chose to be then. Each second we can create anew. The question is who do you want to be right now?

In the playroom I decide to be fun, happy, and energetic and so can you! Wow, isn't this thought freeing? You create you, the past doesn't matter. Something I do to help me solidify this concept for myself is write a list of qualities you want for yourself - then want no further -just create that and have them!

Aaah, life is so amazing. Wishing for you to create joy and happiness!
Love,
Katrina

Whatever the Issue, Stick to the Essence

FROM JEANNIE: Numerous people wrote to me giving input about specific topics they would like addressed. However, before getting into any particulars of any issues, I realized that first I really want approach ALL of the topics with this overview: IN MY OPINION, THE SON-RISE PROGRAM WORKS BEST WHEN WE STICK MOST STRONGLY TO THE ESSENCE OF THE CORE PRINCIPLES AND FOUNDATIONAL CONCEPTS.

BE PRESENT, BE LOVING, BE ACCEPTING!!! Ultimately this will always lead to a wonderful path, regardless of the details, or whether the path is perfectly "right" or the "best". Every path of genuine heart-and-soul-felt love is the perfect path.

THIS IS HOW MY SON RECOVERED, AND YOUR CHILD CAN TOO!!

It's about priority. Because believe me, I'm not saying don't have specific goals. I had lots of specific goals with my son, and there were lots of specific techniques we employed. But it's a slippery slope to getting lost in the details. I'm just saying stay CENTERED on the basic beliefs and ideas.

STICK TO THE ESSENCE.... STICK TO THE CORE! It's not so much about what we are DOING, it's about HOW WE ARE BEING...FROM THE INSIDE-OUT...

If you are struggling or confused or frustrated.....ask yourself if you are focusing on the present or the future or even the past. Are you prioritizing LOVE for your precious child's inner being or worrying about the "real world".? Be aware, be mindful, and gently re-focus on the present and on having an open heart of love and joy. Often the answers will almost magically reveal themselves, without you even having to ask or try. You will see.

Please let me know what happens.

Namaste Everyone,
Jeannie :-)

How Much Is Enough?

FROM ALISON: I was visiting another Son Rise Mum at the weekend and we were discussing the question: just how much Son Rise is enough. It seems that many of us give ourselves a hard time believing that we are not doing enough play room hours or that if we just did a little bit more that our child would make so much more progress etc. and then feeling guilty for all that we are not doing.
So, how do we define 'enough'? There is no actually guideline as to how much constitutes enough - so we make it up. Often the way we define enough is that it is: just a little bit more than I am actually doing. But then if I do a little bit more, then weirdly enough that is still not enough either.
So why do we make it up to be just out of reach all the time. The reason is, because it serves us to do it like that, we use the discomfort that we create by believing we are not doing enough to motivate ourselves to do more. But there is another way. Suppose we decided that we are enough ourselves, that our best is enough and then ask ourselves what do I want to do today. If we make our want really BIG then fire our motivation from there. There is a quote I love from Antoine de Saint Exupery " If you want to build a ship, don't drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea". We can do that for ourselves. Or maybe you have another way of deciding what is enough from a place of comfort. Please share so that we can all learn a more comfortable way to see ourselves. Love Alison

You Always go Back to Joining!

FROM BECKY:Something that often comes up for me when teaching parents in the Son-Rise Program is that they think there is a time period for which to join the child's isms and then.......they are done.

Well, here's the latest.....in The Son-Rise Program we ALWAYS go back to joining! As long as our children ism, we join.

I just got to spend two wonderful hours in the playroom with my beautiful friend David. Over the past weeks he has been amazingly interactive, at times up to an hour at a time. He seemed to have cycled through his ism of rolling cars back and fourth in the past few months and we were doing all kinds of new things like drawing together, cutting out, reading and writing and pretending to phone different animals.

Today, I entered the playroom and he had all the cars down and was doing his old ism of rolling them back and fourth while holding his head close to the floor and watching them out of one eye.

I wasn't alarmed, I didn't panic, I didn't need him to play with me! I went back to the drawing board and joined joined joined! Not only did I join but I thought "YES" what a beautiful, meaningful amazing way to show him my love is STILL unconditional and I will STILL have just as much fun isming as playing with him. So I joined, and I joined and I joined.

xxx

You can talk with your body and listen with your heart

This week at the Autism Treatment Center of America, we have a six year old girl who is deaf. She has a cochlear implant, but is refusing to wear the headset while in the playroom. So, this week, our team of teachers and child facilitators have decided we will work with her in the playroom, without her cochlear implant headset, to allow her the control she may be seeking. How do we do this and still be effective? Well, we really don't do anything differently (yet we are still seeing amazing and wonderful things with this child) and I am going to tell you why.

One of the most important aspects of the Son-Rise Program is bonding through acceptance. When you go into the playroom, free of judgments and expectations, and join these children in their world, nothing else seems to matter. Use your 3E's (energy, excitement, and enthusiasm) and your love, and acceptance will clearly show on your face! Your eyes will be brighter, your smile will be bigger and more genuine, and your body will probably be a movin and a shakin. When you walk into the playroom with the 3E's, a child won't need to hear you, because their eyes with show them your love, and your deep appreciation for them; If your child does not have their sight, then their ears will pick up the tenderness and love in your voice; And if your child doesn't have the ability to see or hear, then I believe the acceptance and love emanating from your body will be absorbed by your child. You can actually talk with your body and the child can listen with their heart.

So, this week, when we go into the playroom with our deaf child, we use our 3E's, we celebrate both physically and verbally, we join when she is exclusive, we love, we laugh, and yes, we also work on verbal and non-verbal communication. We do the entire Son-Rise Program to the very best of our abilities, and with all of our love.

On Monday afternoon, I had the opportunity to sit with the Mum as we watched an amazing facilitator (Kim) play with her daughter. Kim was exciting, loving, playful, energetic, accepting and fun. At one point while watching the session, I asked Mum to imagine that she too, couldn't hear, and to only look at Kim's face and body language. I then asked if the mum could feel the love and excitement exuding from the playroom and into her even though she couldn't hear. Mum then smiled and said, with a bit of moisture in her eyes, "Yes. I do."

This is the Son-Rise Program, and love is what we do!

With love,
Amanda

Your Child is my Mentor

From Katrina: Your child is a gift, and an amazing wonderful person.

I truly truly believe this. I believe that Autistic children are brought to this earth to teach us about unconditional love and deep inherent wisdom. (even though I sometimes fool myself into thinking I am teaching them, I know that just by being with them, they are teaching me)

I believe that each second I am able to spend with these children is priceless and precious. I believe that any moment I can inspire them to connect and share themselves with me is magnificent, and any moment that they are more inward bound and I can focus my love and energy on accepting and delighting in them for who they are is phenomenal.

Autistic children are a gift, and I love them!

sincerely yours,
Katrina

Dance-piration!!!

From Kim:

Here's a little bit of dance-piration!!!!

Dancing in the Son Rise Program playroom with children is one of my favorite things!

Enjoy a bit of Ellen ...and feel free to snag some of her moves... I know I have ;)

Lots of hugs and funky moves,

Kim

It's EASY and it WORKS!!!

FROM JEANNIE: I will ALWAYS remember the day I started reading the book, "Son-Rise: The Miracle Continues".

Although I don't even recall the details, but I remember very quickly picking up on 2 important concepts: AUTISTIC CHILDREN ARE REALLY OKAY AND ACTUALLY TOTALLY COOL EXACTLY AS THEY ARE - THEY WERE MADE THIS WAY FOR A REASON AND THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY - IT'S PERFECTLY WONDERFUL TO FULLY EMBRACE THIS AND TOTALLY AND DEEPLY LOVE AND ACCEPT THEM JUST AS THEY ARE! ... and .... AT THE SAME TIME, YOU CAN 1000% BELIEVE IN THE POSSIBILITY OF THEIR RECOVERY!!!

And here I had been making myself M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E for the past three years believing the exact opposite.

So do you know what I did???

I SIMPLY MADE A DECISION.....I SIMPLY MADE A CHOICE.....Yes, right then and there, I TRANSFORMED THE BASIS OF MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE ON A DIME.

I'll always remember right afterward, being with my son, as he was doing "his thing" which was twirling his hands and feet, and saying and to myself, " IT'S OKAY...IT'S REALLY OKAY...THIS IS HOW HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE....AND I LOVE HIM COMPLETELY JUST THE WAY HE IS WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL, TO THE DEPTHS OF MY VERY BEING". I could feel all the tension melting away, and I could feel myself becoming present with him for possibly the first time.

And do you know what happened???

Within TWO WEEKS, he went from having random words used just to identify objects, to one day, when I came in from being at the store, LOOKING RIGHT AT ME AND SAYING "HI MOMMA"!!!!! AND A WEEK LATER DOING THE SAME WITH HIS DAD!!! From then on, it was simply a matter of staying the course.....and allowing the process to unfold and bloom :-)

Yes, it was MEGA HOURS, COMMITMENT AND EFFORT..... but as far as I'm concerned, if changing my mind is ultimately all it takes, I'M IN!!!

AND LIKE I SAID, IT WORKS!!!!

Next week, my son will be starting 4th grade at a local montessori school with NO provisions whatsoever. He plays sports, makes friends, learns readily and best of all, seems genuinely HAPPY!!!

Trust and Believe!....Trust and Believe!!!

Namaste, Jeannie :-)

A Poem from the Son-Rise Program

From : Brandi Davis

I watched him control his moments like a carpenter
carving his wants into the finest oak tree.
Twisting and shedding the bark with precision
until its essence poured out at our feet.

He created freeways constructed from a sliding board
and blankets to bridge his road.
Driving trucks over mountains he flapped his hands
as the tires crashed down at my toes.

Each moment felt sacred and peaceful.
The wisdom he shared with his smile.
Unfolding secrets of love through the ages
as he laughed at his toys in a pile.

There was no need to wait for answers
as he tossed his toys in the air.
No need for conversation
as the plastic splashed down everywhere.

All truths spoke through his actions.
His love filled space and time.
He led the way in silence
as each thought lifted from my mind.

Breathe in and breathe out. Let go and jump in.
This day means even more than you see.
No moment is small even toys as they fall.
See the Now and you'll see everything.

Are You Smiling Right Now?

FROM BECKY: It's impossible to smile, I mean really smile without feeling good! Go on, try it!

Think of a time that you've shared a giggle
With a feeling in your belly that makes it jiggle
With a sparkle in your eye and a grin on your face
With love in your heart as you hold this space

Rejoice in this moment, take time to just smile
Stay here with me, for just a little while
Feel your smile growing wider as you slowly let it out
And if you want you can let out a shout!

Have a great day!

A Steps Game Idea

FROM SIMONE - My son loves going up and down staircases so I came up with this game to use his motivation.

I printed, cut and laminated strips with actions written on them. The writing in red colour of minimum 3" in size is on purpose to stimulate the side of the brain which deals with language and reading. Then I placed velcro at the back of the cards and on his climbing frame steps.

The challenge I am working on here is for him to follow physical requests creating a back and forth communication principle which he lacks and is one of the main barriers to him acquiring speech.

Children who can pronounce words quite clearly but won't speak sometimes is simply because they see no need for it or find it really hard to grasp the cause and consequence principle, to connect that he does something, something happens, he says something, people give him what he wants.

When we talk about memory we think of the ability to remember things, people's faces, birthdays, places we've been, but there's also another type of memory, kinesthetic memory.

Kinesthetic memory is the ability of the body to remember the position of the joints, muscle, etc to perform an action, even talking which takes so many facial muscles. If the child has also low muscle tone, a delayed readiness of the muscle to respond, then they will also have difficulty in their kinesthetic memory. It makes it harder for you to remember how to do things, to multi-task, in which sequence to do things, to count how many things you've done or when you did them or even if you did them. As a very young child I had such serious muscle tone and kinesthetic memory disability that I lived terrified thinking I had done something wrong but couldn't remember it.

Back to our game, by using the fact that my son already likes going up and down stairs probably because he can exercise his kinesthetic memory, I joined that repetitive action with a cause consequence outcome which is also a motivation for him, tickles, hugs, kisses, drumming, etc

So when he goes on each step I get to do the fun action to show him he is causing that action, I also model the words associating each word with the card. When he is used to what happens I request for him to go to different steps so that he gets to fulfill successfully a physical request that is easy for him, which boosts his confidence. Sometimes we are so keen in requesting from our children what we know is challenging for them that we forget sometimes it is a real confidence boost to sometimes request from them what is easy too so that they can experience more success, specially when you are leading with a "give-upper"

You can have fun changing the cards and creating new fun actions as much as you want.

Hope the idea is useful to you

Love and 3E's

Simone

Creativity Abounds: Another Game Idea

FROM KATE: Hello everyone! This week, our lovely Kim, Child Facilitator extraordinaire, will be demonstrating a rip-tag game. It's a game that's easy to make and easy to build on - to really engage your children when they want physical interaction.



Have a great time playing!

With love,
Kate

Joining Joys!

FROM KATRINA: I love to join! Don't get me wrong, I don't walk into the playroom and think, I really hope this guy doesn't want to play today so I can just join him. However, I do love my opportunities to join just as much as love my opportunities to play. Here are a few reasons why I love to join. Hopefully they will be helpful to you and inspire you to love joining as much as I do.

• Joining gives me an opportunity to put my agenda on the shelf and just have fun being in the moment doing what someone else wants to do.
• Joining is the ultimate acceptance, it is the easiest way for me to say "I love you exactly as you are!"
• Joining presents me with new experiences and new ways of looking at life/objects that I hadn't thought of before.
• Joining teaches me about the child's interests and sensory needs.
• I can build more trust and connection by having fun playing someone else's games (e.g. their isms)

The list can go on and on. Joining is a wonderful experience for me, and I find myself doing it with typical people sometimes as well. I find it is a natural way of bonding now. If you have more reasons to join, please add those as well in the comment section. Let's help everyone love joining!!!!

Love to you all,
Katrina

Dual Playroom Sessions!

FROM BECKY: So, here are some more guidelines when working with another Facilitator in your Son-Rise Program playroom.

1) One reason we would have two people in the playroom with your child is to model how to be with people and to have friends. For that reason, we would recommend that one of the Facilitators takes the lead and the other one is more a follower. That way you can easily show your child how to play. They will see a demonstration of what its like to initiate with another child and how to respond, whoever is following, will show him how to respond.

2) Keep it short. If you are doing a dual, it's important that your child feels a sense of success with the experience. If you see that they are not handling it very well with two of you in the playroom then feel free to go back to being one to one with them. If this is the case then there is still more work to do with them working on more of the skills in stage three of The Son-Rise Program Developmental Model.

3) Be gradual. Start with one dual session per week and see how it goes, If your child seems to be enjoying it then up it to twice a week and gradually increase it as your child changes and grows.

Have so much fun and let me know how it goes!

FROM THE HARD TIMES TO THE SWEET TIMES

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman):
WHEN I HELD HER HAND,THE TOUCH FELT LIKE HOME. When I looked into her eyes, time became timeless. Today, yesterday, now, forever. Through the soft focus of my eyes, she looked no different than when I first gazed at her, at 17. Now 50 years had passed & we made our love endure & grow bigger. Why? Because we took ownership of our own confusions, unhappiness and expectations. Because, we worked diligently on becoming students of ourselves even as we faced challenges. Because we stayed the course, as imperfectly as that may have been, refusing to give up on ourselves and each other, even as we faced the challenges of autism, of adopting children from situations of trauma, of raising a rainbow family of awesome kids as we reached out to help other individuals, families and children. The Option Institute. The Son-Rise Program. The Autism Treatment Center of America. The sky above, the earth below, the sun and the moon, the comings and the goings.

Five decades. 50 years, this year. It feels like we are still beginning. Like infants so excited to learn more and keep growing. But none of this could have happened without that first look into her blue-green eyes, that first kiss, without the dedication to work through the hard times to find the sweet times...and now, times sweeter than I could have ever dreamed. I have been so hugely blessed to hold hands with my bride, my girlfriend, my best friend, Samahria, who has taught me so much about love, laughter and deep caring for those around us.

All these years, in this moment, seem no longer than a single flash of light in a midnight sky -- on a warm summer night -- just like tonight. The sky above, the earth below, the sun and the moon, the comings and the goings. What we all have is happening right now -- and now -- and now.

Beautiful World Without End

FROM JEANNIE: Hi Everyone!! I am very honored and excited to be a new addition to the Autism Treatment Center of America blogging team! I have been a Son-Rise Program mom for the past 6 yrs when I first discovered the book "Son-Rise: The Miracle Continues" and allowed my life to be profoundly and forever changed.

Not long ago, someone asked me when did my son "graduate" from his program (he is 9 y.o. and "near-recovery"). At first I didn't quite know how to respond, because we not only ran a non-traditional lifestyle program, we never even considered the issue of an official graduation. The concept practically didn't even register in my mind. Pretty funny, huh?!

From my personal perspective, There is really no end to an effective Son-Rise Program! What made it effective has been the incorporation of the attitudinal philosophies of LOVE and ACCEPTANCE and BELIEVING IN THE POSSIBILITIES into the very fiber of my being. For me, The Son-Rise Program simply IS!

And not only was this the key to my son's recovery, this was also the key to my own happiness....so why would I ever consider any form of an "end" to that?!!

So I encourage you with the words of program co-founder "Bears" Barry Neil Kaufman from the Option Institute promo CD....."Jump in DEEPLY!" You will see, it's the most amazing way!!

Breathe, Smile, Relax, Enjoy :-)
Namaste!!

Make an Entrance!

FROM KATE: Hello friends! This week, we're sending you all a video to inspire you to find ways to make the most of your entrances into the playroom. Our children are often open to interaction when a new person is entering the room, so captivate your child's interest, you can experiment with a variety of ways to enter the playroom. Here are some ideas to inspire you.



Sending you all love - and imagining you all making many beautiful entrances into your playrooms!

Love, Kate

Lessons in Letting Go #2 - Wanting vs. Needing with our Children

FROM KELLI: We are all completely accepting of where our children are on the developmental model, right? We want more and purely for US, right?

Well, I'm suggesting that you take a little time to check in. Why? Well, read on... it was only when I took a step back, looked objectively at my actions and feelings, that I could really see that I needed Jordyn's expressive language to develop and the pressure we'd created for him to talk. When I transformed it to a want, became unattached to needing it now.... guess what?... his expressive language flourished.

OK, let me back up. At the Son-Rise Program Intensive, one of our main goals was to extend Jordyn's sentence length. He could say "Jordyn wants _____" for just about anything, but if you listened objectively to him it was forced, flat, and more said because he had to. We wanted to give him more power words, more variations, etc. such that he could be more specific in his requests, maybe even do 2 loops. Everything we were doing up to that point was all about him talking - fun, playful, motivating, etc. - but all about talking.

At the Intensive, the Child Facilitators and Teachers saw that what was really needed was for Jordyn to be more connected, physically involved, and flexible - and that is what they focussed on for the week. Those things really would precede his expansion of his language.

I had to really look to see if I was OK with those being our goals, and in looking could see how attached I'd become to his talking. All I had to see what my feeling - "disappointment", and there it was screaming in my face. All I've ever said I wanted was for Jordyn to be fully self-expressed - and yet my need was really defeating that goal - to have him really love expressing himself to, and with, people. Instead he was talking because he had to, with limited expression. Sort of like that kid who plays soccer because he loves it, at the beginning, but then as his parents put on more pressure to perform, he's not enjoying himself and doing it because he has to, not because he chooses to - no fun.

Well, we then let go and transformed our need back to a pure want. We got really clear that what was REALLY important to us was that Jordyn's expression comes from him. We worked on expanding his attention span, got him more involved in games with us, and more connected... and fancy that, his language started to come naturally.

We got what we wanted after all... expressive language coming from him.

He expresses himself in beautiful, deep, connected one-word requests (sometimes 2 or 3). He's been coming up with words that capture the essence of what he wants almost magically (sometimes we have to figure out... did we model that? or has it been in there all along?). It is truly extraordinary.

So, my advice... take a look at your goals and get really clear that you aren't attached (needing) anything to happen, but are really OK with what is. After all, our job is really to inspire and motivate our kids to want to stretch themselves... when we give them that control, that is where they will soar!

With much love - Kelli

How Did You Feel Today?

FROM SIMONE: I am training a new volunteer and when doing feedback before I started to comment on my notes I asked the customary question: "How did you feel today?"

She then asked me why we always ask this question and when I explained it to her it was great to give me a perspective into feedback dynamics. Sometimes we just get used to doing the same thing over and over again and we never question ourselves why do I do it this way? It is great to always question ourselves so that what we do gain meaning and purpose.

I'll then share with you what I answered bringing back that purpose in mind but also I thought it could be useful in terms of training as sometimes we know why we do what we do, but it is hard to put it into words when having to teach someone else. So that is what I said:

Most people go through their lives being a victim of what happens, of what we call stimulus. If it rains they get sad, if it is sunny they get happy, they think they have no control over how they feel. When we use the Option Process philosophy we know we have total control over how we feel. It is not the rain that "makes" me sad but it is what I believe about the rain that then influence my choice of being sad, change my belief and I'll change my choice too. The beauty of this is that I can not control the weather but I can control my beliefs, I can choose them.

Another beauty in this process is that we can become students of ourselves, we can study our thought processes, what kind of choices I make, the thought process I chose that resulted in the happy choice and the thought that resulted in the sad choice.

When I was explaining this I realized we have the tendency of only dissecting our unhappy thoughts but when we feel good we don't investigate: " how come I feel good?", which is really useful as in learning the thought process that led you to choose feel good so that you can reach it again when you need it.

When you ask a volunteer how they felt, first of all insist on an answer that really tells you how they felt, not what they did or what your child did and then if they say I felt good, try more specificity, how good? what other more specific words could you use? Dissect with them what kind of thoughts led them that way, this way it is going to be really useful to them to recreate that feeling when they don't feel good.

What about you how did you feel today?
I felt great sharing this learning with you
With love
Simone

Outreach

FROM GABY: Tthis week we were blessed with an outreach with Gerd. Of all the Son-Rise Program teachers he was the only one I had never met, even though I had heard lots about him from other parents and had seen videos of him playing with their children. An outreach is one of the biggest gifts we as parents can get. The teacher comes into our house and sees the child in his home, the place where he feels the safest.The teacher sees the whole family and also the players and therefor gets the total picture. I love the outreaches and feel blessed that I can get them. Also I'm immensly grateful for the teachers who travel all over the world thereby spending much time away from their loved ones in order to help our children.

Together with Gerd we filled in the Son-Rise Program Developmental Model and set our new goals. As parents and volunteers we sometimes look too positively at our child's achievements (how great they all are) and we too had put Tybalt a bit further in his development then he was. This helped us greatly because it makes our plan of continuing our Son-Rrise Program full-time more concrete.

Every now and again I have always needed the extra stimulus to up my energy and enthusiasm for the program. Not that I have ever doubted continuing the program - because it truly is what I believe in - but I love getting the extra surge of Option Process energy in the normal rut of daily life with work, household, diets, biomed, etc. That is also why I go to the adult programs. Attitude is 90% of the success of the Son-Rise Program and keeping up the attitude 100% is not always that easy if your doing it by yourself. Luckily we always have the Option Institute and their wonderful staff to help us it's just a matter of taking that step. For all you parents out there, I hope I inspired you to take that step

Lessons in Letting Go #1 - Wanting vs. Needing in Self-Studentship

FROM KELLI: The last you heard from me was March after our amazing Son-Rise Intensive Program. It was there that I started on my journey of "letting go", and so much has happened since then - with me, with Jordyn, with our program, and our team - so stay tuned :).

At the Intensive, I started to get how much I needed to control my own environment - that things had to be a particular way, that I'm never satisfied with the results I'm producing with the team, with Jordyn, in my relationship, etc. I started to discover and confront how much my need to control keeps a lid on my experience of joy, satisfaction, connectedness, and freedom - never mind a lid on everyone's experience around me. That was the first step, just getting the degree to which I was run by my needs.

The second thing was to really get that there was nothing wrong with that. Had I not fully accepted it, it would have been more of the same (needing to control that part of me that I couldn't accept). In getting that there was nothing wrong (fully accepting myself), I could really create a want vs. a need to discover and dismantle the beliefs that weren't working for me.

Wanting was the key to allowing myself to be a happy detective of myself, to see myself full-blown, and explore the threads of the tapestry of beliefs and practices I had so expertly woven to survive and to thrive in life.

That was my first lesson in letting go - to let go of my need to let go, and create it as a want... only then did I create the space for the learnings to show up... fancy that.

Where can you transform a need into a want in the interest of creating freedom, joy, and discovery?

With much love - Kelli

A Poem from the Son-Rise Program

From : Brandi Davis

A river of light greeted us as it pushed through the window pane.
Dancing like a tribe of Angels dropping their wings in the summer rain.

I knelt down upon one knee so I could see beyond his eyes.
Than he bounced up and began to jump.
I thought that he would fly.

I stood in wonder and I gazed at the smile upon his face.
And how he giggled as his feet rose up into outer space.

As I bounced and flew with him my soul it felt so free.
No longer rooted to the ground that stretched below our feet.

He was my guide that one day in July. My teacher. An inspiration. My friend.
Painting moments in time. Writing minutes in rhyme. Till the hours flew by with the wind.

Tom's Journey!

FROM JACKIE: Hello everyone - just thought I'd share a little video of Tom's journey with all of you. We are so proud of him!



love, Jackie

Realization of Victimization

FROM JAMIE: Just the other day while registering for the Calm Amid Chaos course, I was doing my typical "wishing." I wished I could go to more than one course a year..I wished I could have 2 Outreaches a year...I wished I could send in Videos for Consutlations as much as possible.....I wish I had a boyfriend/husband to help me....I wished my family helped me and was more supportive .... and then ... I had a REALIZATION OF VICTIMIZATION!

I am a single mom running a Son-Rise program for now 10 years plus. I have struggled financially for many years. The last few years have been the toughtest. I am not able to work at the present time to take care of Tyler. I am struggling to pay my bills monthly. So, as i wished and wished and wished daily, one day it finally hit me like a ton of bricks! I was watching the movie Surfs Up and Big Z says ~ "Never Give Up. Find a Way. That's What Winners Do." ~ At that very moment I realized that even though I wasnt giving up on Tyler, I wasnt finding a way to get to where I wanted to go for as much as I wanted for Tyler. I was playing the "victim" ~ I never moved! I was waiting for help from someone, from somewhere. I wasnt getting very far being a victim. Ive been somewhat "standing still" all this time. I dont want to be a victim anymore. I am going to find a way to get more for Tyler. To be continued .........


Love, Jamie

Self-Harm or Communication?

FROM CAROLINA: Many of you have experienced one of these moments - when you're watching your child do something that looks harmful to his or her body: your son bangs his head on the wall - over and over and over so that he has a little bump or bruise on his forehead; your daughter bites her hand so hard she leaves teeth-marks; your son balls up his sweet little fist and punches his head when you don't give him something he asked for.  It's a moment when most parents tell me that they feel fear and concern - wondering how to keep their beautiful children safe. It's a moment that most parents use to blame themselves - "If I only knew how to care for my child better, he wouldn't do this."

Of course, we want to keep our children safe - that is of number one importance. If I'm with a child in the playroom (big or small, young or old), and he or she is doing one of these behaviors, I'm going to first offer that child a way to be safe.
For example, if a child has just smacked his head on the wall, I'm going to get down a pillow or blanket to hold up on the wall in front of him, to soften the surface he's using.  Or if a child is biting intensely on his or her hand, I'm going to offer other options for that child to chew on - like a chewy tube or a washcloth - so the child has a way to bite something other than his/her hand. Or if a child has a hard toy and is using that toy to hit himself, I'm going to calmly remove that toy from the child and put the toy out of reach on the shelf.

However - here's what's amazing: most of the time, when we offer alternatives to our children - they don't want the alternative. They simply find another place on the wall, seemingly ignoring our offer. It brings up the question: why would our children continue doing something if it hurts so much?

So perhaps it's time to see "self-injurious behaviors" differently - what if these behaviors are not injurious at all? In 99% of the children we work with, our children have simply found a way to look like they're hurting themselves, when they've actually found something that doesn't hurt at all. Just for fun - go try it - go and smack your forehead against the wall. You'll find that your child usually hits the front of his forehead - the hardest part of his skull - or you'll see that your child bites his hand on the big soft part - to the left of the palm, just below the thumb. Try it - bite that part of your hand really hard. You'll probably leave teethmarks but you'll find that it actually doesn't hurt. Our children are incredibly intelligent - and they've simply found ways to try to move the world and get what they want.

Plus, we have to keep in mind that our children have bodies and sensory systems that are different from ours. Many of the children we've worked with are hypo-sensitive - meaning that they don't feel sensations as easily as we do - and so they crave intensely deep pressure on their hands, feet and head.  They can handle (and repeatedly ask for) levels of pressure that often doesn't feel good to many of us - which indicates that their bodies feel things differently than we do.  I know children who have talked about their extremities (hands, feet and head) feeling numb - so it makes sense that they're craving input, because otherwise they can't feel their feet or their hands.

So - if we keep in mind that our children are incredibly smart, and that our children have different sensory systems than we do, then we can create an entirely new perspective. A child demonstrating "self-injurious" behaviors may be doing so simply to communicate with us - to insistently remind us to listen.  So, let's listen.  Let's figure out what our children are really telling us - so we can offer them what they're really asking for. Let's stay calm and easy, turning our perspective to one of curiosity and a desire to help. By doing so, we can help our children no longer engage in these behaviors.

Through "self-injurious" behaviors, our children are telling us:
1) I want more control. The world around me is often overwhelming and beyond my control and I want more control in my life. I bang my head when you take me outside because there is too much stimulus there. I bang my head when my brother is making too much noise because it overloads my brain. I want less stimulation and more control in my life.
2) My body needs physical input - sometimes it doesn't feel good to me so I bang my head to relieve pressure or to help me feel my body. It changes every day - I can't control the feelings I'm getting in my body - so I'm just biting my hand or banging my head to try to help my body feel better.

How we help:
1) If you already have a playroom, offer your child time to be in the playroom - because this is the best place for your child to feel less overwhelmed. Many children who hit their heads, bite their hands, etc. immediately reduce or eliminate these behaviors once they're spending time each day in the playroom. If you don't have a playroom yet, create a quiet space in your house where your child can be to relax and not feel overwhelmed. You can be there together or you can offer your child time alone in the playroom or in this quiet space.

2) Give your child more control and remind your child how much control he/she has. In the playroom, we can offer our children more control - we can be quiet when they ask us to - we can join their repetitive behaviors - we can get them the toys they want - we can only play the games they want us to play.  The more control we give our children, the more our children will feel in control and will need to bang their head less.  And when you give your child control, show him what you've done - "Look how fast that  happened! When you said no, I jumped across the room to put it away - isn't it cool how much you're in charge here?".

3) Give your child physical input. If your child is banging his head, offer him squeezes on his head, jaw and neck. Your child might want really light squeezes, or really light scratches - or your child might want really deep pressure. Or your child might say no to head squeezes but allow feet squeezes. Only do what your child allows - remember, giving control is first. If your child bangs his head frequently, you can also look into craniosacral therapy - a form of massage that helps the skull move into better alignment and therefore be more comfortable for our children.

4) Look at your child's diet. If your child regularly bangs his head or bites himself, perhaps it's a reaction to something he's eating.  VERY often, our children are banging their heads because of sugar intake - too much processed sugar or too much fruit sugars. Our children have more sensitive bodies than we do, and often a food allergy or sensitivity to sugar can create these types of behaviors.

Sending you all love and looking forward to hearing how you all do with these suggestions!

Love, Carolina

Taking Care of Our Bodies While Having Fun!

FROM AMANDA: A few weeks ago I went on an outreach and worked with amazing twin boys. (For those of you unfamiliar with outreaches, it's a service we offer to families with children in the Son Rise Program, in which Child Facilitators go into the home and work in the playroom, and/or teachers work with parents and volunteers to enhance the program.) On this particular outreach, both boys loved physical play. Especially, SPINNING!

When I went into the playroom for the first three hour segment with the first child, I immediately learned he wanted to spin. He ran up to me, held onto my hands, ran around me until I began to go in the same direction, and then lifted his feet off the ground like that of a carnival swing. FUN! For the entire three hours, we did some spinning, running, spinning, jumping, spinning, and riding. I loved being with this little boy.

The second half of the day, I got to be with the other boy and he loved spinning even more than the first. He too, ran over to me when I entered the playroom, took my hands, and propelled himself into motion to get a spinning ride. The difference with the second child was that there was no running in between spinning. IT WAS ALL SPINNING! I loved having this moment with my friend as we laughed and played, but after two hours of spinning, I realized my stomach was spinning too. When the child came up to me to get another spin, I explained " I love that you are wanting another spin honey , but right now, I am going to take care of my body and I am not going to spin you because my stomach is upset." I then offered the child other forms of sensory input (hanging him upside down, some bounces on the therapy ball, squeezes on his head, etc.) and he continued to grab my hands while trying to spin himself. At this point, I decided to remain comfortable in my decision not to spin him, and I continued to explain why. After several more attempts to spin himself around, the child accepted my offer to give him bounces and we moved to a new and exciting game.

When you are in the playroom with your child, believe in what your body is telling you. If you are tired from giving the child rides on your back, sit down on the therapy ball and explain that you are gong to take care of your back and give him/her a ride in different way. If the child has a tantrum, stay calm and comfortable, and trust are teaching the child a valuable lesson (not always getting what you want). Being with your child in a loving, accepting, and non-judgmental way is one of the best gifts you can give. There are many ways to build connection; Spinning them is just an added bonus, so if your body can't do it, don't be hard on yourself. You will find other ways to build connection. I did!.

Have fun.
Love, Amanda

A Poem from The Son-Rise Program

FROM BRANDI: A Poem For the King of Imagination
A Son-Rise Program Journey

I watched love burst from you in streams of color

and I chose to dive straight in.

We splashed rainbows against each other

till we saw each color bend.



I dipped my toes in your imagination

till it rose above my head.

Weaving love through your creations

as you handed me each thread.



I watched life unfold its hands with grace

as you showed me with you eyes.

The journey towards that perfect place

where love and peace collide.