Coping with the Christmas Holidays - The Son-Rise Program Way

Five Tips for a Happy Holiday…

In case you haven’t noticed, Autism does not take a break for the holidays.  Being the parent of a child on the Autism spectrum can be challenging during this festive period.  The following survival techniques will help you create a more relaxed experience for yourself, your child and your family this Christmas.

1. Less is more!  The phrase “The more the merrier” is often heard when talking about the holidays.  Inviting family and friends over for a traditional dinner sounds like fun but is not necessarily going to be the most useful thing for our children.  The extra sensory overload they can get from having so much unpredictability in the household is not supportive and often creates more work for you in the long run.  This also applies to going over to family or friends’ houses where you and your child have little control over what will happen, other people’s routines, etc.  Focusing on a quieter time at home will be more beneficial and less work for everyone.  A more effective idea would be to have someone you trust (a committed volunteer, family member, etc.) watch your special child so that you and your partner can do something more social at a later or earlier time together where you don’t have to concern yourself about how your child will cope.


2. Avoid the crowds!  Christmas shopping can be a stressful time for the most social of us.  It can be overwhelming to be in a crowded place with so much noise, hustle, bustle, waiting in long lines, even grocery shopping, etc. Internet shopping is a wonderful invention and gives you the opportunity to avoid the mall and skip the grocery store.


3. Eliminate the electronics!  Although well-intentioned family members may think it’s kind to buy your child gifts that involve batteries, flashing lights or screens, our children already have a hypnotic, self-stimulating aspect to their nature without the help of electronic devices.  With more traditional toys like books, trains, dolls, or arts and crafts, our children can use their capacity to stimulate their own brain versus using a machine to do the work for them.  Be authentic with your relatives and tell them what would be a good choice of gift (nothing that flashes or beeps, etc.).  People will make their own decision of what to buy if you don’t give them some guidance.  Our children can sometimes be satisfied with a cardboard box and a piece of string, so allowing them to freely ism without the electronics will help them self-regulate and provide the predictability they crave.


4. Dietary dilemmas!  If your child is on a special diet such as GFCF, GAPS, The Specific Carbohydrate Diet, etc., the holidays can be your worst enemy with temptations everywhere you turn.  Get organized and spend some time preparing treats that your child can actually eat (http://www.elanaspantry.com/ has some great recipe ideas).  If you do go out, educate those around you about what eating that treat might do to your child’s sensitive bio-medical system and ask for their help and support.  If your child accidentally eats something they are not supposed to then there are some great Enzymedica supplements you can have on standby to help: Digest Gold, GlutenEase and Candidase.


5. Don’t forsake the playroom!  The most useful and supportive environment for your child is still going to be The Son-Rise Program playroom, even if there are other things going on and you are spending more time than usual as a family.  Taking turns alternating a short time in the playroom with the rest of your family (say 30 minutes each) - even for 2-3 hours each day - will feel more digestible for the family and will still give your special child supportive room time in which they can thrive.

Most of all….have fun!  Happy Holidays!        

Button Pushing

By Kate Wilde, Director, The Son-Rise Program and Son-Rise Program® Senior Teacher

Children are forever moving and interacting with their world. Everything is new for them and their job is to be curious, explore and learn. Nothing is off limits. If your child is young enough they have not yet learned (from the world around them) to be self-conscious and to restrain their behavior. With this wonderful curiosity comes the desire for our children to button push.

Button pushing is our children exploring our reactions to their behavior. What will we do if they throw water on the floor… or if they dance in front of the television when you’re watching your favorite program?  What will happen? Will it be fun? It is all about finding out about us. We may even be giving them good reason to continue to button push, because our reactions can be fun and amusing. We may shout, jump up and down, speak in a high squeaky voice, turn red, or stiff with rage. We may be as funny for them as their favorite cartoon character.

When I was younger I knew exactly how to get an amusing reaction from my Dad. I just had to get a fit off giggles at dinnertime and I would never be disappointed with his reaction. He would point his finger at me, stiffen his face and talk in a stern voice, threaten all sorts of consequences … which  I didn’t want,  but I totally enjoyed inciting his predictable behavior. My sister and I named  his reaction “the wobble effect”. Being a large man his whole body would wobble when he got angry, and despite  the consequences of my behavior, I found this amusing enough to continue button pushing.

Nearly every child I have worked with will button push at some stage. Some spend a lot of time button pushing and some only do it occasionally. Button pushing is usually an activity that your child does even though they know you do not want them to do it. It could be them peeing on the floor instead of in the toilet, drawing on the wall, throwing their food, spilling water, spitting, swearing, picking their nose and eating it, throwing a toy or breaking it, or touching you in way you do not want them to like twirling a finger through your hair or touching your breasts.

Button pushing can also be talking about things that you feel uncomfortable about. I worked with a family who had a 6-year-old boy with autism. His whole family where vegans -- they did not eat any animal products, and were very concerned for the welfare of animals. This little boy would love to talk about eating meat. He would talk about eating a “juicy steak of animal flesh” and lick his lips while looking intently for his family’s reaction. They were horrified -- believing that they had failed to pass on their own values to their son. I do not believe that this boy wanted to eat meat,  he just wanted to watch the horrified reactions of his family.

I worked with another boy who due to his food allergies was on a gluten and casein free diet. He would tell his Mom that he had just eaten gluten or casein. Then sit back and smile as she shouted and lectured him on how this was not a good thing. He actually never ate the gluten or casein laden food,  he  just loved watching his Mom’s reaction.

Another girl of 16 would ask questions such as, “When am I going to die?”  “When are you going to die?” These questions would create a lot of discomfort for the people taking care of her.

Why do our Children Button Push?

1. It’s fun! It is as simple as that. We can be very entertaining for our children. Our reactions at times can be disproportional to the actual action our children have committed.  All of us have experienced walking away from our child asking ourselves, “Why did I just react that way?” It is this over-the-top reaction that our children start looking for again and again. All of us have pushed other people’s buttons too.   We do this, not only as children, but also  as adults.  Why?  Because we think the reaction is funny.
2. They feel powerful. When our children realize that they can get a reaction from us, not only is it fun, but also it gives them a sense of power. Our children start to realize that they can now “make” another person react. Along with this new found power comes predictability and control. Gaining control over their lives is a very important  for our children --  thus button pushing becomes another way to gain this control. Every time I do “x “ Mom does “y”.
3. They are becoming more interactive. If you find that your child is going through a particularly intense period of button pushing it may be because they have become less exclusive and are growing in their ability to interact. When an autistic child becomes more aware of their environment they start to notice that what they do can cause another person to react in a certain way. If this is the case for your child,  it is exciting and important time of growth for them.
4. They are bored. Button pushing can also be a sign of boredom. If your child has increased their level of button pushing,  it may be a sign that they are being under stimulated.  They are button pushing as a form of entertainment because they have nothing better to do. Often school programs or home-based programs can become stagnant. As your child grows, they will have an increased need for more interesting and more challenging activities and learning opportunities. Reassess your child’s  program to see if this is the case.

How to Identify Button Pushing?

As described above,  button pushing is usually your child doing an activity that they know you do not want them to do. This alone however does not define button pushing. Our children may get into lots of unusual and interesting activities that you may not want them to do but that does not mean they are  all a button push. For example,  your child may draw on the walls … they know that you do not want them to do this, but they do it anyway. This may be a button push, but is also could be something that you child just finds irresistible. Therefore this is not as a button push but rather something they are doing for themselves, not for your reaction. The key thing to look for is “where their motivation lies”?  If your child’s attention is on the actual activity, it is most likely NOT a button push. If your child’s attention is on you and your reaction to the activity,  it is most likely a button push. Look for the following signs:

• Are they looking at you while they are doing the activity?
• Do they look at you right after they have done the activity?
• Did they announce to you that they have just done the activity?
• Did they smile or laugh when you reacted to what they have just done?
• Did they do it again right after you asked them not to, while looking at you?

How to Respond to Button Pushing?

Deactivate the Button by changing your reaction

Our children button push to explore our reaction to their action. When our reaction is interesting to them,  they will continue. The fastest way to stop your child from button pushing is to deactivate the button by changing your reaction. You want to do this on an internal level as well as an external level. Many times parents tell me that they were furious with their children,  but that they managed not to show it.  Very unlikely!  If you are actually furious, it will show on your face and in your body language.  Our children are masters at detecting our attitude. They know when we feel furious, or uncomfortable.  We cannot fool them. So yes it is very important to change our external reaction, but also our internal thoughts and feelings.

  

How to React Externally?

The idea is to react as little as possible. For example,  if your child is button pushing by spilling water on the floor, give it no attention. Do not acknowledge verbally or physically that it matters to you that they have spilled the water on the floor. If you are playing a game together,  carry on with the game. If you are talking to them,  carry on with the conversation. If you are involved with your own activity, carry on with that activity. Show them that spilling water on the floor is not moving you emotionally. Wait a few minutes before you clean it up.  You can either clean up  the water yourself, or matter of factly ask your child to clean it up.  If your child is talking to you about a subject that you previously found challenging,  answer their questions or talk about the topic in a calm and understated way.

MAKING ASSUMPTIONS

"My child will hate being in the playroom all day!"

"He's frustrated when he hits his chest!" 

"My child hates when people sing!"

"He will never eat broccoli!"

"My child won't play that game!" 

These are just a few out of the hundreds of statements I have heard from parents who are learning The Son-Rise Program®.  These are not facts, they are assumptions.  Assumptions are make-believes that tend to be based on our own judgments and are usually leaning more towards the glass being half empty instead of the glass being half full.  So in essence, what my child won't and can't do, as opposed to what my child will and can do.  Unless our children actually tell us what they are thinking or feeling, we can not actually know what they are thinking and feeling. 

Have you ever heard the following saying:

ASSUME: makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me "? Well it's not necessarily that assuming makes an ass out of you and me,  but more that it limits you and me.  When I assume what my child is thinking or feeling, I limit my response to them and the wonderful ways in which I can help them. 

For example, my child asks for another cookie - he's already had six.  I tell him he has already had six and I don't want him to have any more.  He whines and throws himself on the floor.  I assume he is unhappy.  As a parent, of course I don't want my child to be unhappy so I try to stop his unhappiness by giving him another cookie.  To summarize, my child has just learned a form of communication that works for him more effectively in his life but which limits his ability to use other forms of communication … language.  I have just limited my child's ability to learn and grow and I have missed a teaching opportunity for my child.  What I have taught him is that crying and whining, or using the appearance of unhappiness, gets you what you want.  This is not going to be as helpful for him in his life as communicating in a way that people will understand more easily…language. 

As our children may also have a challenge with processing and communicating what they want quickly and effectively, they will choose the easiest and quickest way to get what they want.  Summary - I assumed what my child was feeling, and my intention was to change their feelings versus helping them learn a more effective way of communicating.  Outcome: assuming we knew their feelings has just limited both of us.  

A parent once told me a story of how they would take their four year old son with Autism to a busy park -- one minute their son seemed to be having a nice time swinging on the swings, the next moment he would go up to the cutest, little girl and hit her.  The first thought this Mom had was that her son hated cute, little girls… an assumption he never expressed.  After coming to The Son-Rise Program Start-Up the Mom learned to put her assumptions aside and clearly see that each time this happened, she would get embarrassed and quickly remove him from the park and take him home.  Perhaps her son was overly stimulated by the park and wanted to leave but was not able to communicate this to his Mom, thus hitting little girls became his very effective way of communicating that he wanted to leave the park.

    

A way to inspire yourself and your Son-Rise Program team to stop making assumptions,  is to practice the art of observing what your child is actually doing (not deciding you know what they are thinking and feeling) when you are discussing your child with your team. 

For example:

• "Johnny was crying by the refrigerator" versus "Johnny was unhappy by the refrigerator" 

• "Sarah was not responding when I sang The Wheels on the Bus"  versus "Sarah hated it when I sang The Wheels on the Bus" 

• "Ben I see you hitting your chest and I don't understand what that means" versus "Ben, I know you are frustrated because you want to get out of the playroom" 

To help understand our children's behaviors also look at what was happening just before they did a particular behavior and what happened just after it. 

For example:

·        "Sarah was stimming with her toy tea set when I sang The Wheels on the Bus", helping me understand that her not responding to my song perhaps had nothing to do with her hating my song… rather that she was more exclusive and not open to interaction at that moment. 

Respecting our children’s intelligence and capability to intentionally move towards what they want and away from what they don't want, is an attitude shift that eliminates “assumptions” and allows us to clearly see ways to help them.

Why do we assume? :

·        To take care of ourselves: to feel like we’re being good parents… by giving them what they want and keeping them happy…if my child is happy then I am a good parent.

·        To show we care: Helping my child means knowing and anticipating what they are thinking and feeling.

·        Because we know why we feel or do certain things in certain situations: "If I hit another person it would be because I was angry".  Our children are different from us, they learn in a different ways.  What my reasons are have nothing to do with my child's reasons. 

Looking back at the assumptions from the beginning of this article …. We’ll see how these assumptions were only make-believe:

• "My child will hate being in the playroom all day!" … This child settled happily into the playroom with her new friends for 10 hours. She then excitedley lead her parents into the playroom the following morning.

•  "He's frustrated when he hits his chest!" … This child continued to hit his chest periodically throughout the week and our staff experimented with different ways of responding to it.  By joining him when he hit his chest they realized it was a stim identified. He  started doing less and less. 

•  "My child hates it when people sing!" …  This child went on to enjoy and participate in many songs with our staff.

• "He will never eat broccoli!"…This child went on to touch, smell, and taste broccoli for the first time, and was eating several pieces at a time by the end of the week.

• "My child won't play that game!"…The third time that game was brought into the playroom, he looked at it, explored it, then interacted with us with it for 20 minutes. 

Have fun looking at your children with these new eyes, you will be excited about what you find!

Becky Damgaard
Outreach Coordinator
Son-Rise Program Teacher

Bringing Themes & Activities Into The Son-Rise Program Playroom

An amazing way to help your child learn and grow is to create and introduce themes and games to play with your child in The Son-Rise Program Playroom.

Why are themes and games so important?

1)   They bring excitement and variety into your child’s life and play in the playroom, keeping things new and interesting.

2)   They help motivate you to be more dynamic and powerful in your role of friend and facilitator for your child.

3)   They inspire your child to be interested in other people’s ideas and help them to be more flexible and therefore more social.

4)   They help you to maintain focus during your playroom sessions.

5)   They encourage your child to participate more fully because you are demonstrating to them how to play with another person.

The attitude to have about your theme/activity:

1)   Believing that your child will play your game is the first step to your child showing an interest and participating in your game.

2)   Be persistent!  If your child doesn’t show an interest right away, don’t give up!  Bring your theme or game in the next day, and then the next day and the next.  Sometimes our children need to get used to the idea of something new before they give it a try.  Simply having it in the playroom for them to become familiar with might be enough to sow the seed.

3)   Have fun!  Enjoy and love your game, even if your child doesn’t seem to.  You set the bar for your child, if you are not excited and passionate about your theme, don’t expect them to be.

How to present your theme/activity:

1)   Role-model how to play the game.  Instead of asking your child to participate immediately when they are not familiar with the game, wait for a green light from them (a look, them coming over to the theme and checking it out, etc.).  Then demonstrate how the game is played a couple of times for them to get the gist.

2)   Experiment!  Different children respond differently to the way things are presented!  Your child might respond best to clear direction…in that case, try inviting them to roll the dice, pretend to stir the soup, climb on your back, etc.  Other children might respond best to discovering things for themselves…in that case a more indirect approach of silently leaving the theme on the floor might be more effective.

3)   Be flexible! You might have an initial plan in your mind of how the game is supposed to be played.  Our children are here to teach us how to let go of our expectations and be in the moment.   A way to inspire them to be more flexible is for us to give up control (which only limits us anyway).  If your plan is to take turns with your child and they want all the turns, allow them to have that control.  If they decide they want to take your Origami bird to ism with, let them do so…be consistently friendly and predictable.

Have fun playing! 

Becky Damgaard - Son-Rise Program® Teacher

The Beauty of Joining

During the last Son-Rise Program Start-Up training course, a mother shared how she had Joined her daughter, Faith, in one of her repetitious activities for the first time. She told the group how beautiful that experience was for her and how connected she felt to her child. Her 19 year-old-daughter Faith, diagnosed with autism, had a repetitious behavior which involved holding a small piece of paper in each hand and rubbing and flicking them together, over and over again. Normally, her daughter was told to stop this behavior or was simply left alone to do it by herself. When the mother first found out about The Son-Rise Program, she read about the technique of Joining – engaging and delighting in the same actions the child wants to do repetitiously. So one day she decided to try this with her daughter

She got two small pieces of paper, one in each hand, and sat down opposite her daughter Faith and started to rub and flick her paper together, just like Faith was doing. Immediately Faith looked across at her mother’s hands and then up to her mother’s face with wonder and curiosity. Faith’s mother had never done this before. Faith fixed her gaze on her mother, watching her every move as she flicked her paper and lovingly smiled back at her. It was an amazing and wonderful moment for both Faith and her mother.

The next day, around the same time, Faith’s mother did exactly the same thing as the day before - she Joined Faith in her paper flicking. Again Faith looked with amazement at her mother. The following day Faith’s mother was delayed in Joining her daughter’s paper flicking, so Faith came looking for her. When Faith found her mother in another room of the house, she went over to her, handed her mother two small pieces of paper and said, “play, play”. It was an incredible and amazing moment for her mother… her daughter was actually seeking her out… it mattered to Faith that she had Joined her in doing what she liked doing.

Thoughts to think while Joining your child’s repetitious behavior(s)

·       Joining is never a waste of time: Joining your child matters to your child. Even when your child is not looking directly at you or interacting, they are aware of what you are doing. They are taking in that you are doing the same as them, that you are interested in them and who they are. This awareness of you will grow and help them to become more interested and interactive with you.

·       Joining is a clear way to show your child you like and love them even when they are acting their most autistic.  Sincerely Joining your child (totally enjoying yourself as you Join in their activity with them) shows your child that you like them and feel good about them even when they are being their autistic selves. If you are unhappy, disappointed, sad, etc. when you see your child being repetitious then the message to them is that you do not like them or feel good about them when they are being autistic. If you are aware of feeling unhappy during these times use this as a sign to yourself that it is time to get help--  to seek a greater sense of ease and peace with your child’s autism (contact us, we can help!).

·       Loving and Caring Relationships are built on reciprocity -- give and take: We want our child to be more interested and motivated to interact and be with us. A loving and caring relationship involves another person being interested in me and me being interested in the other person. Your child is interested in doing something over and over again – are you interested in them and what they are doing or are you more focused on getting them to be interested in you and what you want to them to do? Joining is a way to show your interest in your child, it is a way of giving to the relationship, of modeling for them what you are looking for them to give to you too. Joining is a sincere way of being with your child, it is not a trick to get them to do what you want them to do.

·       Joining will help you understand your child’s world: A way to feel close to another person is to understand them more. When you Join your child it gives you a chance to know them better. When you Join their repetitious activity, you open the door to understanding their experience as they themselves experience it. Does it create a particular sensation in your body?... is it the sounds?... or the visual shapes and images you become aware of?... Is it soothing and calming in some way? Your child is repetitious for a reason that helps them – Joining is the way for you to find out what that might be.

Have the best time loving and Joining your child.

Love and smiles

William Hogan, Executive Director of Programs, Certified Son-Rise Program Teacher & Teacher/Trainer

Coping with the Summer Holidays

With the summer holidays fast approaching, here are some thoughts to make this time both more manageable for you as a parent and more supportive for your child on the Autism Spectrum.

1)  Get organized!  A bit of planning now can go a long way to help you get set up for success.  Begin asking your current volunteers and family members if they would be willing to spend some extra time one on one with your child.  If they are not able to, perhaps they would lend a hand to help take your other children to the beach or to help make meals, do grocery runs, etc.  Even if you had someone to be with your special child for two hours per day, that would free you up some time to do day to day chores, spend time with your other children, etc.

2)  The great outdoors!  Summer is the season for parks, lakes, the pool and the beach.  If you are planning to go to any of these places, aim to go at the times of day when they are most quiet.  Go to the park, late in the day, find a quieter spot at the lake away from the crowds or better still, stay in the confines of your back yard with a paddling pool, sprinkler, swing set or sand pit.

3)  Choose a vacation that works for you!  A family camping trip in a remote area or a vacation in a self-contained apartment would be more effective choices than staying in a busy resort or hotel if you are planning to get away this summer. That way you can keep distractions to a minimum and still give your child an element of control.  Try scheduling yourself, along with other family members to take turns alternating being in charge of your special child so everyone gets a turn to relax and enjoy themselves while your special child stays safe and supported. 

4)  Beware of foods that your child cannot tolerate!  With a bit of research, you can create delicious chilled smoothies made with coconut milk or coconut water instead of sugary fruit juice, yogurt and ice cream.  There are also many nutritious veggies that you can throw on the grill for yummy summertime dinners.

5)  Keep your special child home as much as possible!  Know that what may be delightful and fun for you and your other children may be overwhelming and unpredictable for your child on the Autism Spectrum.  Being at home (in The Son-Rise Program Playroom as much as possible), or even around the house will help your child regulate their sensitive, sensory processing system in a more digestible way.

HAVE A GREAT SUMMER

Upcoming

Yes Raun Kaufman will be lecturing about The Son-Rise Program in Madrid/Spain and Lisbon & Porto/Portugal in June. Please Share with your European friends. Register for the free lectures (in English with Spanish and Portuguese translations available) at www.VencerAutismo.org/ who is sponsoring the five lectures.

Madrid - Teatro Auditorio de la Casa de Campo
Saturday 16 June 11:00AM & 4:00PM

Lisbon – Universidade Nova de Lisboa
Sunday 17 June 3:00 PM
Monday 18 de June 7:30PM

Porto - Faculdade de Engenharia do Porto at the  Hospital de S. João
Tuesday 19 de June 7:30PM
Wednesday 20 de June 7:30PM

October 31-November 4 -- Son-Rise Program Start-Up in Troia,  Portugal

Thanks to the sponsorship of Vencer Autismo and the super success of last October’s program in Portugal, The Son-Rise Program Senior Teachers will be returning to lovely and sunny Troia  to present The Son-Rise Program Start-Up. We again expect parents, volunteers and professionals not only from Portugal and Spain but also many from the UK, and the European Community. This 5-day program is taught in English with simultaneous translations available. Please visit www.VencerAutismo.org/ for more information or to register for the program.

Reflections on The Son-Rise Program New Frontiers May 2012

Again with the incredible work and support of Vencer Autismo we were able to go to Portugal to help many many international families as they continue their Son-Rise Program  journeys. Here’s a quick snap shot of our amazing week of The Son-Rise Program New Frontiers.

Who attended?

75 Mothers, Fathers, Therapists, volunteers, teachers

From 9 countries  - Portugal, Spain, UK, Ireland, Norway, Germany, Austria, Angola, China

Who are their children?

Young children to young adults.

Child/Adults with diagnosis such as Autism, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Aspergers, GDD, Hyperactivity Disorder…

What changes have parents seen in their children in the first 6 months of their Son-Rise Programs?

§  More eye contact

§  From speaking only 6 words to 100’s of words

§  Now expressing “wants”  and “not wants”

§  Increased interaction

§  Interest in other people

§  No more tantrums

§  Reduction in aggressive behavior

§  More verbally spontaneous

§  One particular child threw objects and would break glass windows – he no longer does this  

§  They are happier

What did they learn?

The parents were excited to learn how to take their child’s Son-Rise Program and developmental progress further. The week was amazing…filled with presentations,  video’s, discusses,  etc., including:

·        being more creative

·        how to build more interactive games

·        how to have a social curriculum

·        how to set clear goals

The most amazing part of The Son-Rise Program New Frontiers week was watching the families become re-inspired and energized; seeing them work on what they think and feel so that they can be super accepting of their child’s challenges as well as super passionate and excited about helping them more using The Son-Rise Program. 

Manners and The Son-Rise Program

I was recently doing a Son-Rise Program Consultation with a wonderful Mom during our Son-Rise Program Start-Up.  The subject of table manners came up and she wanted to help her 7 year-old son to stop licking his hands and his plate as he ate at the family dinner table.

Here are some thoughts:

1)    Children on the Autism spectrum have a challenge connecting and relating to people!  This is why in The Son-Rise Program, we first teach our children the 4 fundamentals of:

• Eye Contact and Non-verbal Communication
• Verbal Communication
• Interactive Attention Span
• Flexibility

Once our children have core strength in those 4 areas, we can teach them absolutely anything.  When we learn childhood etiquette and politeness, it's because we are first able to relate to our parents and the people around us, so are able to absorb their actions and explanations.  We have a desire to learn from them and be like them.  So there are bigger priorities that will help our children in their specific areas of challenge than having them understand how to be polite.   

2)    Eating in the playroom! 

When we take our children's meals and snacks to our playroom sessions, we are eliminating all the stimulus of the possibility of others judging us, the distractions of trying to eat in the proper way, in the appropriate time slot, etc.  We are also at our most loving, non-judgmental and present with our children so that we are able to enjoy them more.  Being in the playroom will help us inspire out children to connect with us more often and feel that we love them no matter how they choose to eat their food or how they behave.

3)    Give control! 

Our children have a challenge being flexible and trusting people.  When we give them control, we help them relax into gaining the predictability that they crave.  When we let go of the need for them to behave in a certain way, we are more attractive and fun for our children to be with.  Practice letting go of the need for your child to learn this right now and trust that when they are ready, they will learn what is perfect for them!

Hugs and smiles,

Becky

Eliminating Control Battles With Your Child 

One of our children’s biggest challenges is flexibility -- we are always looking to create a supportive environment for them where they get large amounts of control and there are limited boundaries for them to come up against. This is one of the reasons why The Son-Rise Program Playroom is so effective in helping our children gain the control they are seeking so that they can relax into connecting and relating to us more deeply. In essence, it’s a “Yes” environment which is easy and useful for them to be in. The playroom is also designed to be as distraction-free as possible, giving them more of an opportunity to notice us in a world where so much stimuli is coming in at them from all angles. In turn, this makes for an environment where you, yourself also have more control and limited distractions, making it much easier and more enjoyable for you to be with your child.

Doing as many hours, one-on-one with your child as possible in The Son-Rise Program Playroom is the ultimate environment for you both to be in, but making some changes outside of the playroom and around the house can also help you switch your role from “Police Person” to “The YES Man or Woman!”

Eliminating control battles around your personal property: Decide what you don’t want damaged and keep your valuables locked away in a room or a closet that’s easily accessible to you but not your child. This would apply to the bills, your laptop, that antique vase that is on the mantelpiece, etc. Less is more when it comes to our children so the less they have to distract them, the more control they get in the long run. Cover your nice leather couches if need be and if you have a child that is partial to peeing on the Persian rug, you can even lay some tarps down underneath the furniture for the time being. In the bathroom, lock away, shampoos, nail polish, etc, so that there is nothing available for your child to pour down the sink or squirt all over the walls.

Eliminating control battles around safety: If your child is a thrower, lock that marble doorstop away for now, along with any sharp objects such as scissors. Keep the kitchen knives in a childproof drawer. Place the TV and VCR in a lockable cabinet when your child is around. Household chemicals should be locked away, better still eliminate toxins and switch to natural cleaning products. If your child likes to spray water, turn off the faucet at the mains underneath the sink.

Eliminating control battles around food: Many of our children have sensitive Bio-Medical systems and food intolerances, so incorporating a certain diet may be something you are doing with your child. Anything that you don’t want your child to eat can be locked in a designated place where it’s out of sight, out of mind. If your child will eat 10 bananas in a row, only leave one banana in the fruit bowl that day.

Eliminating control battles around the schedule: Use explanations with your children whenever their environment is going to change. We are always working on our children creating a desire to connect and relate to people and that means we need to be as predictable and user-friendly as possible so that they can trust us more easily. So if you know that your Aunt Joan is coming round to visit, let your child know in advance. If you need to take your child to the Dentist, write it on the calendar and tell them every day that week exactly what’s going to happen and when.

Taking this time to adjust your surroundings will give you HUGE peace of mind to know that both you and your child will be safe and as boundary-free as possible helping you to be more relaxed and present and enabling you to enjoy your child and your environment to the fullest.

Becky Damgaard,
Son-Rise Program Teacher 

In love

From Gaby:

There comes a time in every mothers life were she almost (am I kidding myself) is not the most important person in the life of her son. The moment he falls in love for the first time. Age 12 Tybalt is over his head and ears in love.
It brings back memories to the time I was 16 and I fell in love for the first time. Memories of that time is emerging thanks to Tybalt and I realize now how often my mom had to answer my question “mom do you think he loves me”. There was only one thing I could do, I went and apologized to her for the months of infatuation that I kept asking these questions.
Ah sweet memories…………I remember this time so well and it makes me love seeing my son being so in love. It’s so endearing. There is only one BIG problem, she doesn’t exist. His big love is Rapunzel from the Disney movie. Answering his question “mom do you think she will marry me” is a bit difficult to answer. If I say no he says I’m lying. If I say yes I’m not being truthful. What makes it even more difficult is that we will be going to Disney World Paris in a few weeks and who will we meet there? 3 guesses.We even found a picture that she realy does exist (see picture).
How is it possible that Tybalt can fall in love with a comic Disney movie figure? Well is it so much more different from us falling in love with an actor on the screen? Not really. The chances of a relationship in both cases is slim if not none existent. If I ask him why he loves her, he says “she has such beautiful blond hair and green eyes and she is so sweet”. Can’t argue that. That it is a real feeling is also not a question there are enough situations which proof that. For example the other day I had to wash his hair which he hates. When he didn’t want to wash his hair I said “I think Rapunzel doesn’t like a boy with dirty hair “(not really a son-risesy way of putting it I’m sorry to say but had been trying to get him to make his hair wet for 15 minutes already). Tybalt spontaneously blushed and he quickly washed his hair. The first words in the morning are Rapunzel followed by a fraise…. And the last before I tuck him in is “Mom do you think Rapunzel will love me?” Where do I remember that fraise from ?
The other day he said he wanted to pick her up from the airport. “What will you do when you meet her I asked”. As if I asked the most stupid of questions he looked at me and said “kiss her” . Luckily when he says he is going to take Rapunzel back home he also says she can sleep in the guestroom so I can breathe a bit more safely .
After two weeks of this he is starting to ask himself more questions. The other day he said “ I do so hope she exists”. We had told him that the figures at Disney World Paris are people in dolls playing mickey mouse etc. . He didn’t want to believe this but maybe it is making him think and wonder.
It is so sweet to see him being busy with his big love. Respecting his feeling we talk seriously about it and try to help him. For example the other day he said he was going to take her out. “Did you ask if she wanted to come with you” I asked? “No” he said. “Well maybe we can practice, how would you ask her” I said? “That is so difficult” was his answer. “I know it’s difficult that’s why we practice”. “Come with me” he said. “That’s really good Tybalt if you said will you come with me a girl likes it even better but yours was also really good” I told him. So we practice more social skills thanks to his being in love. We tell him what kind of things girls like to do or get as a present. The boys in the team tell him how they encouraged their girlfriends so they started to love them but also how sometimes it didn’t work for them. The girls tell him what they like about their boyfriends. We told him that she probably doesn’t realize he loves her so he quickly learned the English fraise “I love you”. He also decided he wanted to sing a song for her so he is practicing singing a song for her.
My sweet boy is growing up quickly.I wonder what will happen if we meet Rapunzel in Disney World Paris. Will he do all the thing he plans or will he become shy and say nothing. What ever happens it will be the perfect learning for him and we will be there for him if he needs our support.
In May I am coming to the Option Institute to take the Fearless course. I might just take a look at my fear of helping my child into puperty and how to help myself come to terms with not being number one any more. Luckily he still puts his arms around me daily saying “mom I love you so much” and then I can truly say “Tybalt I will always love you!”

30 minutes a day…
Running a Lifestyle Son-Rise Program^®

For many families the Lifestyle Son-Rise Program is a great starting place. Below is an overview of the 3 levels for running a Son-Rise Program with your child.

1. Lifestyle
   Time: 30 minutes a day
   Facilitation: One-on-one
   Location: Quiet room or part of the your home
   Social Curriculum: Focus on Eye Contact, Language, Interactive Attention Span and Flexibility


2. Part-Time
   Time: 10-30 hrs a week
   Facilitation: One-on-one
   Location: Dedicated SRP play / focus room within your home
   Social Curriculum: Optional (Recommended for more than 20hrs a week)


3. Full-Time
   Time: More than 30 hrs a week
   Facilitation: One-on-one
   Location: Dedicated SRP play / focus room within your home
   Social Curriculum: Volunteers or paid individuals trained weekly by you.

Some parents, when first learning about The Son-Rise Program, have the misconception that they have to do the program full-time, 30+ hours, to make a difference with their child. Some parents are discouraged by this misconception and never try any of the simple techniques or never pursue the program further. In actuality, you're starting a Son-Rise Program if after reading a book, or watching a DVD or webinar you start to look at your child differently… with more understanding and a more accepting attitude.

I have talked to many parents who have told me that by simply reading the book Son-Rise: The Miracle Continues (by Barry Neil Kaufman), they changed how they look and act with their child, making a marked difference for the better.

For those of you who have read or have watched material on The Son-Rise Program and want to take the next step in helping your child, running a Lifestyle Son-Rise Program would be the easiest and most straight forward next step. Very little is required other than setting aside 30 minutes a day to work with your child one-on-one in a quiet room of the house. You can use a bedroom or the living room, when no one else is using it. If your child is older and prefers to stay in the room they are in, then simply work with them for 30 minutes exactly where they want to be. During the first couple of weeks, focus on joining your child's repetitious behavior as well as celebrating them when they interact with you (make eye contact, verbally communicate or physically interact). A great video to watch that will profoundly help you in running your Lifestyle Son-Rise Program is Autism Solutions: Getting Started with The Son-Rise Program which is available on the home page of www.AutismTreatment.org. This short video is also very useful for families running part or full time programs.

The key to running a Lifestyle Son-Rise Program is consistently working with your child for 30 minutes a day and prioritizing having fun and enjoying them exactly as they are.

Have the best time starting your program.

Love and smiles,

William Hogan
Executive Director of Programs

7 Tips On Changing Your Child’s Diet

Here at the Autism Treatment Center of America we believe that your child's diet is incredibly important to their overall health and well being. Food effects how our body and brain develop and function, thus effecting how able we are to focus and interact with the world around us.
Just as we created the distraction free controllable environment of The Son-Rise Program Playroom to help interaction flourish, we suggest that you examine your child’s diet to make sure that their internal environment is also helping their interaction flourish and not working against them. You can do this by getting your child tested for possible allergens such as gluten, casein, corn, rice, and soy. We also believe that it is important to be careful about how much sugar and caffeine your child has in their daily diet.

Many children on the autism spectrum can be very picky eaters. If your child's diet consists mainly of the above named allergens and sugar then this may be a sign that your child has a potential intolerance to the very things they are eating. If your child has an extended stomach, dark circles under their eyes, or chronic diarrhea or constipation, these could also be signs that they are having reactions to the above mentioned allergens.

The following diets are among the top autism diets of our time, Gluten and Casein Free Diet, The Carbohydrate Diet, The Body Ecology Diet and The Gap Diet, to learn about these and other diets visit nourishinghope.

If you are wanting to change your child's diet, by eliminating either, gluten, casein, corn, soy or sugar, or want to begin one of the Autism Diets, below are a couple of pointers that may help the transition go smoother.

1. Start only when you are completely ready, if you have doubts, your child will sense this, and wait until you give in and give them that chocolate cookie you know they love so much. It is important that you are prepared to go the distance. One way to this is through your brain; thoroughly educate yourself about the diet, or allergens you are eliminating.  Why it is good for your child?  How are they adversely affecting your child?  What are the positive benefits of changing their diet are. It will be easier to go the distance if you know why you are placing your child on this diet and that it is in their best interest.  A place to start with this is the website listed above which will also give you many other resources.

2. Educate yourself about other foods you can offer your child, there are many online resources such as gluten and casein free recipes you can access. Since your child may have been restricting their diet for so long, you may have forgotten that there are more food group out there! There are numerous vegetables, meats, fish, and gluten free grains. Reacquaint yourself with these, as well as different ways to cook and season the food to make it super tasty.

3. Make sure that the food you do not want your child to eat is nowhere to be found in your house. Remember your child is very intelligent, if it is in your house they will find it. Clean out all your cupboards.

4. Explain to your child why you are changing their diet and how it will help them. Do this even if your child has yet to begin to talk to you, we believe without a doubt that your child can understand a lot of what you are saying, even if they cannot or do not verbally respond to it. You really want to explain all the whys around why you are changing your child’s diet in a loving and excited way. Then they will know that this change is a good thing and that you are assisting and helping them feel well.

5. Have plenty of the new foods easily available to your child in bowls around the house, so that they can get used to new smells and the new look of their food, and can easily try it when they are hungry.

6. Love the food you are offering your child. If you do not like or love this new food why would your child want to try it?

7. Start one at a time. If there are three allergens you want to eliminate, for instance, gluten, casein and sugar. Start with the one you think will be the easiest to remove, and then two weeks later remove the second one and so forth.