I was recently doing a Son-Rise Program Consultation with a wonderful Mom during our Son-Rise
Program Start-Up. The subject of table manners came up
and she wanted to help her 7 year-old son to stop licking his hands and his
plate as he ate at the family dinner table.
Here are some thoughts:
1) Children
on the Autism spectrum have a challenge connecting and relating to
people! This is why in The Son-Rise Program, we first teach our
children the 4 fundamentals of:
- Eye Contact and Non-verbal Communication
- Verbal Communication
- Interactive Attention Span
- Flexibility
Once our children have core strength in those
4 areas, we can teach them absolutely anything. When we
learn childhood etiquette and politeness, it's because we are first able to
relate to our parents and the people around us, so are able to absorb their
actions and explanations. We have a desire to learn from them and be like
them. So there are bigger priorities that will help our children in their
specific areas of challenge than having them understand how to be
polite.
2) Eating
in the playroom!
When we take our children's meals and snacks to our playroom
sessions, we are eliminating all the stimulus of the possibility
of others judging us, the distractions of trying to eat in the proper way,
in the appropriate time slot, etc. We are also at our most
loving, non-judgmental and present with our children so that we are able to
enjoy them more. Being in the playroom will help us inspire out children
to connect with us more often and feel that we love them no matter how
they choose to eat their food or how they behave.
3) Give
control!
Our children have a challenge being flexible and trusting
people. When we give them control, we help them relax into gaining the
predictability that they crave. When we let go of the need for them to
behave in a certain way, we are more attractive and fun for our children to be
with. Practice letting go of the need for your child to learn
this right now and trust that when they are ready, they will learn what is perfect
for them!
Hugs and smiles,
Becky
My very verbal autistic 8 year old son likes to put his fingers in his mouth after each mouthful of food and get all the stuck pieces of food off of his teeth. Well I told him it wasn't nice table manners to do this and now he does it even more whilst saying to me "Is this table manners mummy!" Well I really shot myself in the foot there didn't I! I now just ignore it and hope that he will grow out of it.
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