FROM SIMONE - I have been watching on British Television a series of documentaries commemorating 70 years of the British Blitz on the Second World War, when British cities were bombed for 5 years. They have re-created a small street with materials, building techniques, dressing and props exactly as you would have had at the time and their aim was to submit it to a series of bombs exactly like the ones from the time and measure with modern instruments the scale of destruction and terror people endured.
One thing really stood out for me in the whole experience. There was a prop, a bottle of milk, just like the ones that are still left by people's doors by the milkman, sitting by one of the doors in Blitz Street, as they called it. They submitted the street to bombs with 50, 100, 500, 1000 tons of explosive and also the equivalent of a V-1 and V2 rockets but our bottle of milk was absolutely intact at the end of the experiment, except for a bit of the milk had poured out, just a bit.
If any material would survive such explosions you would have never thought it would have been glass. An experiment that was set out to prove the amount of horror people went through also proved another phenomenon of the Blitz, that just as this bottle proved, people are quite hard to break or give up and that anything is possible.
No pum intended, this week I was bombarded by insults and hate mail because I dared to mention I treated my son's autism and I, myself , had recovered from autism. There is a new wave of, surprisingly enough, autistic people, that judge it is offensive to mention such words as cure, recovery, treatment, in relation to autism as they claim it is not a disease as such. They claim by mentioning these words we are implying that autism is something bad or wrong that needs to be corrected and all they want is for it to be accepted the way it is. I would like to take a minute to consider these thoughts through an Option Process perspective.
One of the principles that are very attractive for me from the Option Process is the notion that I can totally love what I have at the moment but still aspire to change it. I also find it the most difficult concept to explain, since it is so ingrained in our society that the word change carries the judgement that if I want to change something it's because I dislike what I have at the moment. It's in our language, when I say for example: "I'm not happy with this new job" I don't mean I am sad, cry, sob, sob, I mean I want to change it. Now human beings love change. We are one of the most adaptable species on Earth, we love travelling and experiencing new things. If however we live by the notion that for acquiring change I therefore need to dislike my present situation, I imagine there's a lot of unhappy people out there, for change is a constant factor in all our lives.
Change is a powerful event. In nature, whenever there is change, of seasons, of night and day, of tides, of atoms from a place to another, there's a great amount of energy being produced and being dispersed. So no wonder that to experience change in our lives we would need too a great amount of energy. The tools we are used to employ in order to effect change, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, non acceptance, are very deprived of energy. Can you imagine yourself being unhappy and having loads of energy to jump around and go to the gym? Well that's how you could perhaps change from a limp body to a toned one. Can you imagine yourself hating cooking then embarking in a total new healthy diet? Well that is how you would perhaps change your body from diseased to healthy, and we could go on. If on the other hand we used Energy, Excitement and Enthusiasm (Our 3E's!) when pursuing change, in other words, happiness and excitement for the way my child is at the moment then I would have the energy necessary for my miracle, my change.
Looking through this perspective we are giving what this new current of autistic people are really asking for, acceptance and we are showing them that there is acceptance and change, but not only that, but that there is change through acceptance. If they claim, why put so much energy into something that it is not possible, or difficult, I would tell them of our bottle of milk, supposed to be fragile by everybody standards, but nonetheless stronger than brick or mortar, and I would say in your journey with your child, be a bottle of milk, casein-free perhaps, but be a bottle of milk, because you never know, everything is possible!
I can feel you have been there not easy tho, I like this very much
ReplyDeleteThanks Steven, it is as easy as you tell youself it will be! Anything is possible!
ReplyDeleteHi Simone. I'm a new reader and Son-Rise parent. I'll be there for my start up very soon. In the meantime, we're currently applying Son-Rise principles at our home, and I'm starting to love this new way of living.
ReplyDeleteI find this post so interesting and relevant, because the two only times I've read something less than positive about the program, it's been from autistic adults. And rather than shutting my eyes and ears and denying their messages to enter my brain, I decided to listen with an open mind -- perhaps because their perspective may be a very good approximation of what my child may be feeling right now.
One of the things they mentioned that I found very interesting, is how upsetting it is for them the program's emphasis on eye contact. One of them -- a person I respect very much -- compared it to the equivalent of having sex with a stranger. So from that moment, and until I get there to ask personally, I've just stopped requesting eye contact from my child. I provide incentives and opportunities to get it, and celebrate it when I get it. But do not explicitly ask for it.
My son looks at me many times during our interactions, but I've also been observing him (his patterns and isms) and have this hunch that he may have visual problems, which could be a reason why he doesn't hold eye contact for a long time (maybe; maybe not). Of course now I'm trying to find a doctor who can test my child's vision.
From your experience, what are your thoughts on all this?
Hi Maria,
ReplyDeleteThe eyes perform much more than the sense of vision, there are also other functions such as binocularity, ocular motility and other senses such as the vestibular functions in the inner ear have an effect in the way your eyes work.
Many autistic adults did not have access to all the biological treatments we can do for our children today or they have been educated with judgemental Programs which hold beliefs that their behaviour is bad or wrong and need to be corrected.
The Son-Rise Program works with a non-judgemental perspective that all our children do is the best for them, our children are their best experts so we just go with them but going with them we also challenge them using their motivations believing they are capable of anything.
Have you heard stories of people who were told they wouldn't be able to walk but they do even run while others just comform to their prognostics and never walk?
In The Son-Rise Program we use the power of a person's motivation which can rewire their brain and can tell their body to heal, can do miracles as we have observed over and over.
I personally had more challenge with eye contact than my son who is more severely autistic than myself and I think it is because it was challenging for me so instead of receiving encouragement to overcome my challenges I was told I had difficulties, which I did, but I was also given a prognostic, I didn't like looking people in the eye and I believed it. I bought the label it was given to me and I felt uncomfortable when looking people in the eye. Today nothing has changed just my belief, I saw with the Option Process, the philosophy behind The Son-Rise Program, that looking at people was delightful because people are delightful and fun to be with and they are not going to judge me, it's not the looking it's the judgement that comes with the looking.
Obviously there are physical disabilities of binocularity in which the eyes don't work as a team so if you look facing someone you will have a double image so you look with the corner of one eye to get one image, that's why many autistic people look away when you ask them to look at you, they are trying their best to do exactly what you are asking them to. All the problems associated with vision can be addressed with a sensory integration therapy, we do H.A.N.D.L.E. which shares a non-judgemental attitude just like Son-Rise and doesn't judge the child to be right or wrong just doing the best to cope with their disabilities.
Now while you are treating your child I would ask for their eye contact it doesn't mean they have to do it, they will do it if it feels comfortable for them but you have nothing to loose, you are not forcing them you are just encouraging them believing in them that they are able to heal themselves which is totally possible, I have.
Sorry about the delay in responding I only saw your comment now.
Have fun with your child
Simone x