Maintaining Your Attitude with Button-Pushing

and Not "Lighting Up Like a Christmas Tree"


William Hogan,
Executive Director of Programs of the
Autism Treatment Center of America^®

For those of you who have attended The Son-Rise Program^® Start-Up you will remember the phrase "lighting up like a Christmas Tree". This image was used to explain what we tend to do when our children do things we do not want them to do (i.e. knocking things onto the floor, turning the lights on and off, pushing over the trash bin, etc.). We talked about how this makes these behaviors and actions more interesting for our children to do and that when we 'light up' we are actually encouraging the very behaviors we say we don’t want. During the recent holiday season your child was probably home from school and/or your child had less playroom time if your volunteers went home for the holidays. During this time you may have been more challenged with maintaining your attitude when your child was doing things you did not want them to do.

Here are a couple of pointers to help you maintain your attitude, during those challenging moments as you begin 2015 (and also ensuring that the only Christmas Tree lighting up will be next December!!)

1.   Remember You are doing the best you can!
No matter how you respond to what your child does always remember you are doing the best you can. Be easy on yourself ... it will be more helpful to you and your child if you are non-judgmental and accepting of yourself. Be nice to you.

2.   What might be fun for you may be overwhelming and distressing for your child.
Make smart choices. If a party at friend’s or relative’s house or going on trips to the store etc. will overwhelm your child, consider having someone look after your child or don’t go and have a fun time at home. Taking your child to over stimulating places could result in them being more stressed when home, and hence more button pushing.

3. Hours in the Playroom.
Do your best to spend some time each day in the playroom. Playroom Son-Rise Program time will truly make the difference in helping your child develop the social skills and understanding to not button push.

4. Use the services of babysitter or someone who can be responsible to look after your child
You don’t always need a skilled / trained facilitator with your child. A person who can make sure your child is safely looked after can be very helpful and useful during busy times.

5. Make the house user-friendly.
Look around your house and see what adjustments and changes you can make so that your child has less opportunity to button push or do something you do not want them to do. (i.e. limit access to parts of the house you do not want your child to be in, locks the doors to keep your child from entering certain rooms, put away objects you do not want your child to touch, etc.)

6. When your child does something you do not want them to do or they start ‘button pushing’ for attention use the below basic guideline to help you: If it’s a dangerous / harmful situation … do what you need to do to take care of the situation, even if it means ‘Lighting Up Like a Xmas Tree”. Then take the necessary actions to ensure that this situation does not occur again.

If it is a non-dangerous / harmful situation then do the following …

· Attitude: Remember getting frustrated, annoy, etc will result in you lighting up like a Xmas Tree, and ultimately encourage your child to do that unwanted behavior again!!! Do your best to stay relaxed and calm as you take action.
· Wait 30 Seconds before acting: Since it is not a dangerous / harmful situation, pause for 30 seconds, before taking action. This pause avoids giving your child an immediate response to what they have just done. Then move slowly to take care of what has happened. Don’t make eye contact with your child or talk with them … making eye contact and talking to them could be the very thing your child is seeking!
· Offer an Alternative: i.e. If your child likes to knock over the trash bin – make the trash bin inaccessible and offer them something they can knock over like a cushion or empty cardboard box , etc.
· Change the environment: So the situation is no longer available / accessible.
· Be consistent: Let everyone who comes into contact with your child on a daily basis know what they can do to ensure not responding in a way that could encourage your child to do that unwanted behavior again.
· Celebrate your child: Each time they behave the way you want them to.

Do take time to pause and celebrate the changes in your child, no matter how big or small. Remember you have made these changes possible.

We hope you have a wonderful 2015 and that you continue to grow yourselves to be more relaxed, fun and a more passionate. Be an active advocate for yourself and your child. 

Helpful Holiday Hints

By Raun K. Kaufman, Author AUTISM BREAKTHROUGH and Director of Global Education

Often, we just barrel through the holidays, hoping for the best - but dreading the worst. But, I promise, it is possible to make your holiday experience fun, relaxed, and special for your special child(and for you). I know all the amazingness that your child is capable of. In addition to being the Director of Global Education for the Autism Treatment Center of America® and having worked with families and their children on the autism spectrum for the past 15 years, I had my own personal autism adventure.

At a young age, I was diagnosed with severe autism, with no language, eye contact, or communication of any kind. Completely encapsulated in my own world, I would rock back and forth and flap my hands for hours on end. My parents were told that I was destined to spend my life in an institution. Refusing to give up on me, my parents created The Son-Rise Program® in an effort to reach me. Rather than forcing me to conform to a world that I didn't understand, they began by joining me in my world first.

It worked. After three and a half years, I recovered completely with no trace of my former condition, graduating from the Ivy League's Brown University. And the method that helped me went on to help thousands of families from over 100 different countries.

I wrote my new book Autism Breakthrough (St. Martin's Press) to give parents like you a step-by-step guide to implement the techniques that helped me and so many other magnificent children and adults. I am including some concepts from my book in the Helpful Holiday Hints below. I hope that they are, indeed, helpful to you!

1) Let your child cope.

Most of our children perform various repetitive “stimming” behaviors. An increasing body of research is showing that these behaviors are useful and important to your child and his/her nervous system. So, when your child starts hand-flapping, asking the same question over and over, or lining up toy cars, allow your child to do this. In fact, it can be even more helpful if you join your child in these behaviors! That's right, join your child in the very behaviors that everyone else is trying to stop them from doing! Flap your own hands, or line up your own toys! This promotes, for your child, more calmness and more interaction!

2) Celebrate your child!

Most of us dread our child behaving in a challenging way. We worry about it, we look for it, and we try to stop it as soon as it happens. Ironically, this puts all the focus on what we don't want from our children. If you don’t want your child to hit, for instance, focusing on getting your child not to hit actually creates more hitting. Instead celebrate your child every time they do something well. If your child sometimes hits, cheer wildly every time your child is gentle!

3) Explain in advance.

Sometimes, we can be so busy planning and getting ready for a holiday outing or project that we forget to notify a crucial participant: our special child! Before going on a trip or having a celebration: Explain to your child ahead of time (even if your child is pre-verbal) what will happen and why it will be fun for him/her.

4) Give your family the heads-up.

Many of us, at times, feel frustrated with members of our extended family for not being more understanding and responsive when it comes to our child on the spectrum. But, remember, if your extended family members don't live with your child, they won't "get it." If you are visiting family with your child, send them an e-mail to explain what they can do to make the visit comfortable for you and your child. Explain why sudden loud noises might be problematic, or tell everyone the answer your child likes to hear when he or she asks over and over, “How fast does your car go?”

5) Designate a mellow room.

It's very common to go to someone else's house for a holiday celebration. Usually, we just take our child and hope for the best, thinking that we don't have a lot of control over the matter. But we do! If you are going to someone else’s house with your child, designate, in advance, a calm room or space where your child can go to decompress once they begin to be overwhelmed by all of the commotion and sensory input that comprise most celebrations. Every so often, take your child to this room and spend some time alone with him/her.

6) Mimic an outing without leaving your home!

Children on the autism spectrum will always do better when they are not over-stimulated by the many sights, sounds, smells, and unpredictable events of the outside world. You can create an experience in your home that you normally would go out for. For instance, instead of going to an evening parade with a festival of lights, you can put Christmas lights all around your house, turn off all the lights, and play Christmas music at a gentle volume. You may be concerned about depriving your child of a fun holiday experience, but keep in mind that when your child can’t digest the experience, they’re not having the fun experience you want, anyway. That’s why, if you can create a digestible version of the experience at home, your child can take in and enjoy the experience. By doing this, you are actually giving your child more, not less!

7) Avoid food fiascos.

Yes, it's the holidays. Sugary, wheat-filled, dairy-crazy foods abound. It can be tempting to allow our children to partake in this glorious cornucopia.  Don't give in to this mighty temptation! The meltdowns, overeating, challenging behavior, and diarrhea that will result will not be worth it, I assure you! Taking the forethought to either keep these foods away, or, better yet, not have them around at all will make your whole holiday experience a hundred thousand times easier.

8) Take the holiday spirit home.

So often, we get caught up in the trappings of the holidays – the tree, the presents, the outings that have to go exactly as planned. It’s okay to arrange fun things, but remember that these are only trimmings. They aren’t the gift, they’re just the wrapping. The gift is your special child. The gift is sharing hope and sweetness with the people you love. Instead of using the holidays as a planning fest, use it to see the beauty in your child’s uniqueness. Use it to celebrate what your child can do, and use it to feel and encourage compassion for your child’s very different way of experiencing the world.