Wedding Aniversary & The Option Process

FROM WILLIAM: At the end of next month Bryn and I will celebrate our 20th Wedding Anniversary!!! It's quite a milestone in my life, not that I needed more milestones, but I have to say I like this one. I love Bryn more than I have ever done; she is my best-friend, my parenting partner, my lover and my life's companion. Definately something to scream, shout and be grateful for.

We would not have made it this far without a way to navigate all the challenges (and there have been many), both within the marriage and outside of the marriage, without a philosophy or perspective to help guide us. For us this was the Option Process - the understanding that we have a choice, that our feelings come from our beliefs and these beliefs we can decide to change, keep, or discard. We are responsible for our own happiness and unhappiness, no matter how big, and blaming another person (in this case your partner) for how you feel is at best a distraction from owning your own feelings and choices. Without a doubt Bryn and I have been profoundly challenged and made ourselves unhappy (anger, frustration, sad, lonely, guilt, self pity, etc...I have given myself all of these at one time or another) yet it has been the belief that we get to choose how we feel, regardless, that has been the anchor and grounding force in my life and my marriage with Bryn.

In the next month I will be celebrating Bryn and our life together. I will also be celebrating the fact that I was blessed enough to found a way to live my life. I will also be grateful for the Option Process and for Bears and Samahria for shining the light of this process so big that I could not miss it. I live a different life and have a different marriage because of it.

Love and smiles

William

Games Games Games!

From Kate Wilde:

The Autism Treatment Center of America brings you more game ideas to play with your children in your Son-Rise Program Playrooms.

Click on the video below to see how playing with a giant mouth can help inspire your child to build their vocabulary, look while listening and physically participate with you.

Eating New Foods!

FROM BECKY: This is the first in a series of blogs on helping our children eat new foods. The Son-Rise Program way. Does your child only tend to eat two or three types of food? Do they turn their nose up at the mere sight of a piece of broccoli or a carrot? Do they run from the slightest mention of cauliflower or zucchini? Well if that sounds like your child then read on!

Here are three simple ideas to start inspiring your child to eat more of what you want. There will be more coming soon.

1) Believe it's possible!
It is very common for us to assume what our children can and can't do. Just because they haven't done something yet, doesn't mean they never will. This mindset closes up possibilities and opportunities to help our children. They can and indeed, will change. The first step to encouraging your child to eat new things is to really believe that they are capable of it. They will believe what you believe and will pick up on the messages you give them. So first of all, decide that it's possible.

2) Be a role model!
I will never forget being so excited to tell a Father that his son (who had never touched a vegetable in his life) had put a piece of cucumber in his mouth for the first time. The Father grimaced at me and said "Oh, I can't stand cucumber.....in fact, I hate all vegetables!" if you don't enjoy new foods yourself or are not willing to demonstrate the joy of new foods then how are you going to expect your child to want to eat them?

3) Have fun!
Enjoy yourself, focus on having a relaxed and playful experience around introducing these foods. Have plenty of them available in the playroom, pick lots of different colors and textures and display them interestingly on different plates or in different sized bowls around the playroom. Imagine that the broccoli is an earring or that two carrots are a pair of binoculars. the more fun you are having, the more fun your child will have.

More coming soon!

Children on the autism spectrum can crave predictability and control

Be Persistent!

From Kate Wilde:

Over the last 20 years I have worked many thousands of hours with children of all ages and diagnosis using The Son-Rise Program. One of  the biggest things these children have taught me is to never give up. To be persistent! I remember that it took two years for a wonderful girl with autism to start to become flexible and let me play with some of her most favorite ism toys. It took two years and approximately 760 hours of my playroom time. Altogether we worked with this little girl for 5 years in her Son-Rise Program, today she attends full time main stream school, has friends and is recovered from autism. Where would she be today if we had given up?

In order for us to be persistent we must hold the following underlying beliefs:

• Our children are capable of anything.
• It is possible for them to change and grow.
• Asking them to do so is one of the greatest gifts I can offer them. 
•  If they do not do what I ask them in one moment it means nothing about their ability to do it in another.
• I enjoy asking my child to change even if they do not.

Have fun being persistent and asking your child to grow.

From Brandi: Joining David's World

He straightened the edges of her wings
Crossing two pieces of paper as he sings
And in just a single moment he brings
life to that paper bird

Flying her with grace
Ruby red wings reflecting upon his face
Arms rising and falling in his sacred place
Can you imagine?

His need for nothing more
He the ocean and this bird his shore
A magician spreading magic as he dips and runs then soars
Small hands waving me in behind the cracks of his opened door

I straighten the edges of my wings
I cross two pieces of paper together and hum as he sings
And in just a single moment we bring
life to our paper birds

Flying them with grace
Their ruby red colors reflecting upon our face
Our arms rising and falling within our sacred space
Can you imagine?

Our need for nothing more
Two magician's flying birds behind his opened door
Dipping, rising and falling as we lift our wings and soar
We the ocean, imagination our shore

Together

From Kate Wilde:

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever does." Margaret Mead.

I have this quote on my office wall. It inspires me to know that we, The Autism Treatment Center of America can change the way the world views and responds to children with autism no matter how few we are.

I also think of all of our Son-Rise Program parents;

• Opening their hearts to their children for exactly who they are today, not needing them to change.. 
• Joining their children in their isms, 
• Reaching our their hands and asking their children to talk, interact and do the things that they have not yet done. 
• Celebrating, celebrating, celebrating - every sound, gesture and attempt at interaction.
• Persistently positioning for eye contact

These actions are happening in Son-Rise Program playrooms around the world everyday, amounting to hundreds, thousands and millions of actions.

Think of the impact on the world this active passionate acceptance has.
It makes me smile to think of what we are creating in the world together.
So happy to be doing this with all of you!

Incredible Growth in Just Two Months!

FROM BECKY: At our Son-Rise Program Intensive this week, we are working with an incredible family from New York and their beautiful 7 year old girl! This family came to our Start-Up Program in February and have been working with their daughter for just two months.

This little girl had no eye contact, she rarely made any sounds, her interactive attention span was non existent and she also had absolutely no awareness of the people around her. In that little time, her eye contact has grown hugely and she is looking in other peoples eyes very frequently in a connected and meaningful way, often with a sweet smile on her face as she looks. She is making many approximations of words such as "oll" for "roll" and "ra" for "ride", she is also saying some clear words such as "Hi" and "tickle". Her interactive attention span is now six minutes long on average and she is playing many 15-20 minute games with us. She is a sweet, loving, girl who loves people.

This family have been a huge inspiration to our team at The Autism Treatment Center of America. They run a full time Son-Rise Program with three volunteers, even though she goes to school every day. She is also a child of eight!

Amazing, huh?

First Step

FROM WILLIAM:Recently I have been speaking with parents who want to know more about the Son-Rise Program and the foundation training course - The Start-Up Program. I have spoken with parents in Japan, England, Romania, Florida, Germany, New York city, etc. - I have travelled the world in my conversations of helping and guiding parents on their first steps to starting their Son-Rise Program with their child.

Each parent has their story, their special challenge (a single mother with 4 children under the age of 9, a mother and father running a school and unable to get away for a week, a mother requiring a visa to get into the USA, a mother dealing with her husband who is in denial about their child's diagnosis, etc.) to why they cannot attend the Start-Up program.

What is inspiring is that for each of them they strive to work it out, to find a way to come and get training. It is beautiful to see each of them open up and realise that it is possible and that the biggest obstacle is their own thoughts and beliefs of what they can and cannot create.

For many of you who read this blog I am sure you can relate, especially if you have already attended the Start-Up program. As for these parents now taking their first steps down the path of helping their child by using the Son-Rise Program they are becoming role models to their child. To do something different, something that would not have been considered before.

Everyday that a parent steps into their Son-Rise Program playroom or enjoys their child even more than they did yesterday, they are being a role model for their child - showing them that they too can grow themselves bigger than they were the day before.

Love and smiles

William

An Introduction to the Dialogue!

FROM BECKY: When I was volunteering in my first Son-Rise Program 12 years ago with a little boy called Robert, I would get weekly feedback about my playroom sessions from his Mom. During these feedback's, she would use a simple tool to help me be clearer and stronger in the playroom. She would ask me certain questions in a really loving and non-judgmental way that helped me explore my discomforts and uncover different beliefs I had in the playroom and in my life that were limiting my effectiveness in the playroom with Robert. Here are some of the early limiting beliefs that I discovered I had from her beautiful questions:

1) I need this child to like me!
2) When Robert is in his own world, it's because I'm not fun enough, exciting enough or not doing the right thing.
3) I am afraid of people (specifically the Mom) judging me!
4) I'm not good enough!
5) What other people think is more important than what I think!

All of these beliefs were holding me back from being bigger, brighter and making useful decisions in the playroom. Once I uncovered these beliefs, I was able to explore why I held them and whether or not I wanted to change them or keep them. This tool utterly TRANSFORMED MY LIFE!

One of the books that helped me understand more about the dialogue was a book by Barry Neil Kaufman called "GIANT STEPS" It's a book of short stories about how the dialogue has greatly helped different people in their lives to overcome their challenges.

Once I had read this book, I was ready to jump in even more to The Son-Rise Program because I could see how helpful it was.

If you are a parent of a child with autism, I highly recommend that you read this book and then have your volunteers read it too. There are also more books by Barry Neil Kaufman that you can read to familiarize yourself even more with the whole process:
Happiness is a Choice
To Love is to be Happy With
Power Dialogues

Have fun learning,
Becky

Aggressive Behaviors or Intense Energy?

AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS OR INTENSE ENERGY?

When a parent describes their child as 'aggressive' they mean that they are hitting, biting, scratching, pinching, pulling hair, spitting in people's faces, slapping, punching, kicking and generally using physical force. This term is also used if their child is biting their own hand, head banging or slapping their own head, and other self-injurious activities.

In the dictionary 'Aggressive' is defined as follows:

'Characterized by or tending toward unprovoked offensives, attacks, invasions, or the like; militantly forward or menacing: aggressive acts against a neighboring country.'

Thus when we use this word to describe our children's behaviors we are saying that our children are out to attack us. When they are self-harming are we believing that they are attacking themselves in an unprovoked way?

'Violent' is another word that is used to describe the behaviors listed above. I often have parents seeking help from me who say things such as, "My child is becoming violent," or professionals who say they are working with "a violent child."

'Violent' is defined in the dictionary as follows:

'Extremely forceful actions that are intended to hurt people or are likely to cause damage, using or involving force to hurt or attack.'

When we call our children violent we are suggesting that they are intending to hurt us. For me the word violent conjures up images of murder and war, not something that I would attribute to a child with Autism.

At the Autism Treatment Center of America, home of The Son-Rise Program®, we do not take the view that children are attacking us in an unprovoked manner as the word 'aggressive' suggests, they are not somehow inherently bad, or really actually want to hurt other people. We believe that they are trying to take care of themselves in the only way they know. We do not label this behavior as 'aggressive', or 'violent' we call it 'intense energy.' The label 'intense energy' has none of the judgmental associations that the words 'aggressive' or 'violent' have, and more accurately describes what is happening.

Below are two of the most common reasons why your child may have intense energy. Understanding the reason helps you to put into place the most effective strategies to minimize your child's intense energy, as well as new thoughts and beliefs you can adopt to help yourself feel more comfortable with this aspect of your child.

Intense energy does not happen "out of the blue."

Parents tell me that their children will hit them for no apparent reason that it happens "out of the blue." In my 25 years working with children and adults with Autism, I have been hit, strangled, kicked, punched, pinched, bitten, slapped, head butted, scratched by little children and adults who were far taller and heavier than me. My training at the Autism Treatment Center of America taught me how to really observe a child and notice what is going on with them and the relationship between what I did and what they did. Since then I have never worked with or observed a child who did not give clear signs that they were about to hit me, the facilitator they were working with, or their parents.

This is exciting news for you because it means that all you have to do is observe your child, and become clearer at understanding and noticing what YOU do.

REASON #1 – SENSORY CHALLENGES

We know that our children's sensory system is very challenged. They may have energy that is building up inside them that they do not know how to successfully release. When we have excess energy in our bodies we do some exercise to help release it, autistic children do not seem to understand what is happening in their bodies and so create unique and interesting ways to relieve the build up of energy. They bite, pinch and squeeze someone else with great determination and strength. The action of biting, or pinching actually allows them to release this energy, helping them organize themselves physically.

Try this exercise:

1. Find an object like a bouncy ball or a washcloth soaked in water.
-->Really bite into it. Yes I do mean that. Sink your teeth into it with all your might.
-->Do this three times, each time lasting at least 20 seconds.

2. Clasp your hands together and really squeeze them, again not half-heartedly but will all your might.
-->Do this three times, each time lasting at least 20 seconds.

3. Write down how it felt to do this.

What I feel and what people report is a release of any built up tension. It feels good to do this! And is helpful for the body. Our children are doing this for the same reasons. However, their need to release energy from their bodies is far greater than ours. The trick here is to help our child use something other than another person to release their energies.

They may also give themselves their own sensory input by banging their heads, biting into the soft part at the base of their thumbs, slapping their thighs, and banging their feet. In this case we see the children as acting as their own occupational therapists, trying to help their sensory systems balance.

What are the signs?

You may notice your child doing one of the following behaviors either right before they hit or pinch you, or you may have seen an increase in these behaviors for the 30 minute period prior to their intense energy.

-->Jumping up and down intensely
-->Tensing part of their bodies, for example tensing their face so much so that it may shake a little.
-->Bang any part of their body more vigorously with either their own hand or an object.
-->Run around the house or room with increased energy.
-->Yell sounds louder and longer than usual.
-->Becoming more intense and faster in reciting their scripts from movies or books.
-->Urgently fire questions at you when you know they know the answer.
-->Get into a contrary pattern, where they ask for something, then say no when you give it to them, then ask for it again then say no when you re-offer it, and so forth.

If you are not sure what your child does during the period of time just before they have intense energy, become a detective, take your note pad with you and begin to record what you see. Noticing what happens before and after your child has intense energy will give you valuable cues as to why they are doing this. Once we know why then we can apply the most useful strategies to help them. We want to take care of the underlying reason for your child's "intense energy" rather than just managing the symptoms.

What to do?

The idea here is to give them the sensory input that they are seeking throughout the day, so that it does not build up to a moment when they will seek it from us using 'Intense energy.'

You can do this by:

-->Initiating squeezing your child's hands, feet or head.
-->Initiating a bear hug, you sitting behind your child and wrapping your arms and legs around your child so that you can give them a really big body squeeze.
-->Rolling a big therapy ball over your child, this is a useful way to give a 'bear hug' to a bigger or older child.
-->Encouraging your child to jump on a trampoline.
-->For an older child 14 and above, I would suggest that you make sure that they get a lot of exercise, such as swimming, jogging/running/long brisk walks, jumping on a big trampoline, something where they really exert themselves. Do this three times a week.

You can do any of the above suggestions. Pick one that you think your child will enjoy the most. While doing the first three suggestions, you should experiment with the intensity in which you offer the pressure of the bear hug, squeeze or roll of the therapy ball. Slowly increase the pressure while looking to make sure that your child is enjoying it. My experience is that children who are using intense energy because of their sensory needs will like very deep pressure.

How to respond to my child when they hit for this reason?

1. Think the following thoughts

-->My child is hitting me in an attempt to take care of their sensory system.
-->It means nothing about their love or respect towards me.
-->I can help my child by giving them more sensory input to help them balance their bodies.

These thoughts will help prepare you to respond in a peaceful, calm and loving way.

2. Squeeze their hands, head or jaw

-->If they are banging their head on you, offer to squeeze their head...if they are pinching you, offer to squeeze their hands...if they are biting you, offer pressure on their jaw line.
-->Explain to them that they do not have to hit, pinch or head butt you, and that you would be happy to squeeze them whenever they want it.

Now you know the warning signs you should be able to give your child the sensory input they are seeking before it gets to the stage of biting, pinching or hitting. Catch a hand before it reaches you to give it a squeeze! Give a mouth lurching towards you something to bite upon!

Tips:

-->When I am working with a child who likes to bite oftentimes as they are hugging me they may sink their teeth into my shoulder, I will always have a small chew toy in my pocket I can offer them, or place pads underneath my t-shirt to guard my shoulders.

-->If your child manages to bite you move into the bite verses pulling away from it. For example if they are biting your arm push your arm into the bite, if you pull your arm away it will hurt more. Take your thumb and forefinger and push either side of your child's jaw line, this will not hurt your child and makes them instantly open their mouth.

REASON #2 –THEY ARE COMMUNICATING

Hitting, biting, slapping, spitting, punching, head banging, biting themselves can just simply be your child telling you that they want something. This can be the case for a child who has yet to become verbal and for a child who is highly verbal. If they believe that the people in their lives will get them something quicker if they hit either the person or themselves, then they may press the fast forward button by doing just that.

What are the signs?

-->They pinch/hit/bite/punch right after you have told them that they cannot have something.
-->They are having trouble making their wants understood.
-->They hit within different games usually rough and tumble this can be your child's way of re-initiating the game with you.

What happens is the people around them will start to move faster and 'understand' more when they hit, the adult suddenly becoming more responsive because they want to avoid getting hit. A child can start to think - 'ok so the way to get more of what I want, is to hit then everyone tries to understand me more.'
In this instance it is important for you to become aware not only of when your child is using intense energy but also what YOU are doing in response to it.

Try this exercise:

Answer the following questions in the context of responding to your child hitting you when they want something or are having a challenge communicating to you what they want.

-->How is your body reacting? Does your heart beat faster? Do your hands start to sweat?
-->What are you feeling? Angry? Sad? Scared? Happy?
-->How do you move? Faster? Slower?
-->Do you give your child the object or activity they were asking for?
-->If you do not understand what they want, do you offer them many different things?

Then start observing your other family members interact with your child, how do they respond when your child hits them. Inquire at your child's school or therapy program about how they respond when your child hits them.

If your child is hitting to communicate a want it is because somebody somewhere is responding fast to this communication.

What to do?

1. Think the following thoughts
-->My child is clever! He is trying to get what he wants by the quickest route possible.
-->This means nothing about me.
-->I know what to do. I can help my child by moving slowly and letting him know that I do not understand him when he hits.

2. Move slowly.

This is very important. We want to show our children that any form of intense energy will not help them get want they want quicker, in fact it makes people slower.

3. Explain

Tell your child that you do not understand what they mean when they hit you. Explain also that even if they hit you, it is not going to change the situation and you are still not going to take them to Blockbusters.

4. Move out of the way, and give an alternative.

Now that you know why your child behaves in this way be prepared. If your child wants something to which the answer is no:

-->Know that he may hit you.
-->Step out of the way, so he cannot reach you with his hands this will give you time to protect yourself by catching his hands and squeezing them, or offering something else for him to hit, like a ball or a drum.
-->If your child is an adult or bigger than you, always have a big therapy ball or a big cushion available that you can put between you and your child to protect yourself. If you think he may hit you put it between you so that it is ready for your protection. Believe that you are strong and hold it in place with all your determination, do not let it go.

5. Do not give your child the thing they hit you for.

This is very important! You want to help your child understand that intensive energy of any kind will not get them what they want. This is a very important skill to teach your child, one that will serve them socially in the years to come.

If you want to give your child the thing they just attempted to hit you for, make sure that you ask them to communicate in a different way before you give it to them. Ask them to point to it, or use an approximation of the word, or the word itself. Celebrate them for doing this and make sure you explain to them that you are giving it to them because they communicated in this different way, not because they hit you.

6. Be Persistent and Consistent.

You already have a history of moving fast when your child hits you thus it may take a little time for your child to realize that this is no longer the way you respond. Keep responding in the way outlined above until they get this concept.
If it is taking longer than two weeks, for your child to change this behavior make sure that you are following all of the steps outlined above. Maybe you have left one crucial step out? If not, it is most likely that someone other than you is responding in a fast manner. Be a detective and find out who that person is.

Hello Everyone,

The Autism Treatment Center of America brings you another theme idea to bring into your Son-Rise Program playrooms. These games all center around one huge cardboard box, and are designed to help your children with their imagination skills, and expressive language. Imagination play is a great tool to increase your child's expressive language and their ability to share their inner experiences.

Remember to add in the magic of the Son-Rise Program Three E's and attitude.