"...sometimes when I'm playing, he is so deep in stimming that I feel like throwing up. :) And on our last call you helped me understand my fear about having postponed my life and my career until Vuk 'graduates' from the Son-Rise Program (which in turn was making me very upset when I didn't see progress)...
Our conversation made me decide that I will allow for thoughts about my career right away. On days when I felt unhappy I would feel so sorry for myself that I had made myself stop the lawyering and the career that was going well...blah blah...
But at the thought of going back to work I felt like I would throw up again :) (Funny I never throw up for real - I guess only in my thoughts ;)
I realized that I was just trying to figure out how to keep a career that I started and that I really didn't enjoy at all - but didn't like to face the prospect of leaving it because I had put so much effort into it for years before.
Then, I listened to the Optimal Self Trust CD and this just clenched my problem completely. It told me that I can live my life by following what I think is right (or simply do what I want) even though I don't have a logical support for it. What a relief! So I have been trying this for a week or so now -
I don't go to eat until I want to, and then I eat what I want.
I don't play with my son when I think I should -
I play with him when I want to play with him.
And I DO go play with him!
(It used to be that I would feel like playing but then I would say "Oh no, I need to address this issue and make some kind of schedule in order to give myself comfort that I will not fail again in playing with him regularly...") So in fact I would stop myself from doing what I want - because it wasn't part of a logically prepared plan ??? Seems hilarious now.
SO, it appears that a lot of things in life WILL happen if you just do them when you WANT to do them.
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