Stims - Isms - Repetitious Behaviors

FROM WILLIAM: Stims, or how we refer to them in The Son-Rise Program - isms, come in many shapes and forms. I never stop being amazing at how a child (young or old) will take care of themselves. In a world that is overwhelming to them they strive for a predictable, safe place inside themselves (like we all do). I have seen isms where a child will: - line up objects (books, cars, etc) - walk around reciting words or phrases from their favourite TV program - stare off across the room - read the same book over and over again - look for crumbs on the floor - ask the same question over and over again (where's mum, what time is it, etc) - talk continuously about their favourite topic (darts, car emblems, star wars, etc.) - bounce up and down on a therapy ball for hours - drink water and then urinate, all day long ...and the list goes on and on. They do it for a reason - our role is to love them during these times so we can become part of their safe predictable world. It is from this place that your child will open up to you more. When Jade, my daughter who had autism, ismed (drawing, stacking Lego blocks, doing small wood puzzles, etc.) we would referred to them as "Jade's Wonderland". It was with that thought that we would join her, loving her in a way that she could fully take in that we loved her, even during the times she was being very autistic. Give their ism a fun name and have fun joining them in their unique behavior. Love and smiles William

Volunteers

From Kate Wilde:

This past weekend I spent three days in Baltimore having fun with a great family who are running a Son-Rise Program for their three year old boy with Autism. Boy was he cute- one of the many cute things about him was that he would talk to you while looking straight into your eyes in long sentences, at the end of which he would punctuate his sentences by nodding his head "yes" very earnestly. He would then keep on talking to you - this would go on for at least a minute. Although it did seem like he was telling us something very important of great delight and meaning - we could not understand anything he said!  Even though you did not understand him, you knew from his many expressions that he was very excited and pleased about what he was saying. One of the goals we chose for him was "Clarity of speech" - stage 2 in the Son-Rise Program Developmental Model.

This family has 9 volunteers - yes that right 9 - Whoo Hoo!!

Let this be an inspiration to you in believing that is it possible to find volunteers. I had the good fortune to meet everyone of them and to give feedback to most of them. They were all without exception, lovely open and creative people.

All these volunteers came from an Art college - maybe that explains why they were all so creative? So for those of you looking for volunteers for your program, look up the art colleges in your area- I think it will be a great source of volunteers for you.

Good luck with your search - no matter what - keep searching - your volunteers are out there.
 With love to you
Kate

Your Child Not Getting What They Want!

FROM BECKY: As requested by a Son-Rise Program Dad. Here are some things to do when your child with autism is not getting what they want and they are whining, crying or showing unhappiness.

The example this parent gave was that when anyone else besides Mommy goes in the playroom with his child, he cries around the door and wants out.

I know this is a common thing so here are some ideas of what to do when this happens. This could also apply to other scenarios and boundaries, you set with your child such as, your child wants to empty all of your expensive body lotion down the sink, your child wants to eat a whole packet of cookies, your child wants to play with water and is spilling it all over your new carpet.

1) Know your boundaries. In The Son-Rise Program, we have certain limits and boundaries that we need to set with our children at times. These are our boundaries: The door (the playroom door is always locked. Safety (when our child isn't safe or trying to do something unhealthy or dangerous, such as drinking toilet water or climbing on a high ledge). Destruction of property (e.g. drawing on the walls, tearing up books, etc). Get clear on what you want to keep as a boundary and what you want to allow your child to do and make sure the whole team is aware and is on the same page.

2) It's OK to not get what you want. We know that you love and want the best for your child! Loving and wanting the best for them is not giving them what they want at all the times. They are going to experience life, and part of life's learning is that you sometimes don't get what you want and have to find ways to deal with that calmly and easily. By holding this belief, you will stay strong in your attitude while helping them through this learning.

3) Role Model how to be. When you are in the playroom or around the house and things don't go your way, focus on being calm and easy to inspire them (e.g. if you didn't win the lottery today, give yourself a cheer for trying anyway, if you in the playroom and you try to catch a ball and miss, explain that it's OK that you dropped it and you can still be happy anyway).

4) Use Explanations. Sweetly tell your child that even if they cry, the door will not open/you will not get them more cookies,/you are going to help them down from the shelf/if they continue to rip the book, you will put it back on the shelf because books are for reading.

5) Come from a place of love! It's OK for your child to be unhappy, it will not harm them! You are doing an amazingly loving and helpful thing for your child by demonstrating that it's OK for them to cry, shout, whine, etc and you still love them anyway.

6) Experiment! Using the example of the door, if you have tried explaining, playing with the door, slowly offering your child other things from the shelf, etc and they continue to cry at the door. Try quietly moving to the corner of the room, with your energy and attention shifted away from them. Explain that you will be playing by yourself and they can join you when they are ready. Get yourself an activity to do (I like to draw a picture or read a book) and turn away. Give them plenty of distance as you do this and keep your energy quiet and low. The idea is not to distract them but to allow them to soothe themselves and that your own happiness is not going to be changed by them doing this.

7) Be consistent. If there is just one person that gives in the opens the door or gives them the thing they want while they are crying, then they will continue to use this to their advantage. Make sure their are no "Weakest links" in your chain.

Have fun!

Games Games Games!

Hello!

This weeks video blog from The Autism Treatment Center of America comes a few days early - just before I head off to do a three day outreach with a lovely family who are running a Son-Rise Program for their adorable 3 year old son with Autism.

Click on the video to see how you can play Mad Libs with your child to encourage them to play and interact with YOU!




Enjoy your time with your children.
With love
Kate

From Bears: Accountability with Excellence

A quote from Warren Buffet - "When you hire someone, you look for brains, energy and integrity, and if they don't have the third, integrity, you better watch out, because the first two will (or can) kill you." A bit over the top but the point is useful. Always ask for accountability with excellence. And always deliver it. Being your best is a form of self-appreciation. Love, Bears

Comments:

Simone D.L.T. - A very good point when hiring volunteers for your Son-Rise Program.

Alison S.T. - I agree, when thinking about how I want to show up, integrity would be pretty near the top. The question that I have is how would we know with other people - how long do you have to know someone in order to know - I don't want to test people's integrity - just to know. What about 'gut feeling' - do we go with this? Trusting ourselves to know. Do we ever know? People can change. This is a big one for me. Also Bears, could you help me with the last sentence, I'm not sure I understand what you are saying here. Is it knowing that we are being our best selves, a 'because I'm worth it' moment - or something else. I am really enjoying the daily discussion here, thank you for initiating it - it keeps the flame burning at a higher level for me. Love and hugs

Simone D.L.T. - I think it means that we not only have to look for that in other people but to be an example ourselves and by doing that we are loving ourselves. If we think less of ourselves we are not being our friend, we never think less of our friends but think less of ourselves all the time.

Simone D.L.T. - With other people I transport myself to when I was autistic, then I know instantly, I get a panicky feeling of running away from people with no integrity or I just have Thiago with me and watch his reaction, he never fails to point me out in the right direction, he knows.

Alison S.T. - Wow that's amazing - people with autism are so self-aware with such a great barometer for others, it is such an awesome place to be. But what about people who don't have this advantage... can we ever know?

Pessy G. - I would dare to say, Yes. We know. Trust yourself. Become a student of yourself. Perhaps when you're feeling not so trusting of another you could explore why that is. What's stopping you from trusting and what would happen if you did trust... them. The choice to trust is yours. Sometimes, also, when someone is trusted they behave trustworthy. Perhaps the trust we have in other people might just be another make-believe we have about them. Hmmm...something for me to think about :) Thank you Bears for putting your thoughts out there for others to play with. What a wonderful way to grow!

Simone D.L.T - Thinking about what I do when I say I become autistic again is you just use all your learning's, being present, loving, accepting, being grateful, when you are really connected with all those feelings you get a connection back from the other person, even if they are not feeling well, when I was autistic I used to do that instantly then when I grew up and became "normal" I had to learn how to do it through the Option Process, learn from Jordan he can tell you what to do. Actually it would be curious to ask him since he has such good language, have you ever tried asking him?

Alison S.T. - No I haven't asked him - he does have a heightened sense of awareness of how other people feel so maybe he knows whether people are trustworthy. The more I think about this the more I agree with Pessy that it is just another make-up that we have so the question is really about trusting ourselves because we will never really know about other people. So if we love first and act second and loving includes deep acceptance then that also includes trusting others - BUT then trusting myself to take effective action in loving myself if that person turns out to not have the integrity that I am looking for. What do you think? That feels good to me.

Lynn R.P. - I think we really only know what we know in that moment, as the world and everyone in it, is constantly changing and evolving. So, by trusting ourselves, our integrity, our ability, and our capacity to want the best for others, we can have faith that the "universe" will fall into place in that moment, exactly as it was meant to be. If someone turns out not to be what we "believed" them to be, then so be it. This is not a reflection on us and our beliefs, nor even a reflection on them (although, perhaps a snapshot of that moment) it simply is what it is. As for determining a person's trustworthiness and integrity, I trust my intuition above everything else and it has not failed me yet.

Alison S.T. - I'm not sure that I believe in intuition - isn't that just made up fast logic? I don't think we actually can know anything, we are making it all up - so if I trust someone in a moment it is a choice based on my make believe that they are great to have around me at that time. The benevolent universe then deals with whatever transpires from then on. So our choice cannot let us down as such because there are no mistakes to be made. I need to think some more about it - because the theory is sounding good but can I walk this talk? This debate is so helpful for me.

Joan G.- And sometimes it takes that intuition to hire and only then will you find out in the future if there is truly integrity.

Lynn R.P. - Yes, intuition is fast logic and I remember Bev explaining fast logic vs slow logic in Optimal Self-Trust. Maybe the real thing is to simply trust ourselves, be the best that we can be according to our principles and beliefs and everything else will figure itself out.

Alison S..T. - After further thought I realise that actually integrity is more than just the ability to trust someone. I now think that it is a person’s ability to hold on to and remain constant to the set of moral values which determine their behaviour. I realised this because of the scientific way of measuring the integrity of a material or substance which involves testing the material in a way which would present a challenge to it and then seeing if in some way it has changed it’s make up. This I think applies to us in our choices of how we show up. It’s easy to be loving, happy, trustworthy and generous etc. when everything goes the way that we want it to but what happens when life really challenges us – when we don’t get what we want – does our integrity remain – are we still all the things we were before.

Alison S.T. - Could we grow them even bigger because of the challenge. If we could show up like this then wow just think what a difference that would make in the world - and if we could employ someone like this then we would have employed a diamond.

Lynn R.P. - Well said Alison....it is in life's challenges that a person's true character is revealed and it is an awesome thought that instead of reacting to a challenge, we act bigger with more love, more happiness, more generosity.

Thoughts on Questions

From Kate Wilde:

Questions?? Questions?? Questions??

What Color is this?  How many balloons are there? What would you like to eat? Do you want me to tickle you?What is this called? Shall I sing you a song? What do you want? Is this what you want? Shall I pretend to be a dog? What noise does a cat make?

How many questions a day do you ask your child on the Autism Spectrum? Questions are part of the way we communicate thoughout our daily lives with people, they can be useful and yet they are also overused when working with our children. They can sound like we are testing our children and can turn them off from wanting to communicate with us.

Some thoughts from The Son- Rise Program to consider when asking your child a question?

1. Why am I asking my child this question? Is it because I actually want to know the answer or is it a rhetorical question where you are not looking for your child to answer but are going to answer the question yourself? If it is indeed rhetorical don't ask it - do what you were going to do without adding the question - here your question is not necessary it takes up space and teaches your child that questions are not to be answered.

2. Are you asking a question just to hear them say what you already know they know. For instance are you asking them what color something is just to hear them say what color it is? If you know that they already know this - then ask them something else- something that may be more interesting for your child that does not have a right or wrong answer- for instance you could ask them who they think their funniest relative is. 

3. Are you asking a question as a way to begin a conversation with your child. This is one way to start, but there are also other ways that may be more interesting and more conversational for your child. Instead of asking a question, share a story, a comment or a thought about something that you think may interest your child. If your child is motivated by dinasoeurs, you could say something like:

"If lived in the time of dinosaurs I would make a carriage out of wood that would sit on top of a dinosaur so that I could ride upon them where ever they went."

Then pause and see if your child has a spontaneous verbal thought to your comment. This way you are inspiring your child to spontaneously communicate their own thoughts and ideas about what you just said, which helps them not only share their inner thoughts but to construct their own original sentences.


4. Are you asking a questions as a way to start an activity?. Instead of the question just start the activity,for example instead of asking them if they want to draw, get some pens and paper down and start to draw, they will soon let you know if they want to draw with you or not.

5 .There are ways that you can ask your child a question without it sounding as if you are testing them, but as if you are including them in a decision about how you are going to interact together. For instance, instead of saying, "What color paper would you like" you could say, "oooh we have lots of colored paper here, I am wondering which color we are going to draw on first?

Have fun reviewing and changing the ways you encourage your children to verbally communicate with you.

With love
Kate

What Does it Mean to be a Good Parent?

FROM BECKY: While teaching The Son-Rise Program to parents who have a children with autism, often the concern of being a good parent comes up while I am guiding them in the process of uncovering beliefs about them and their child. A very common issue is that if they were a good parent then......some version of the following:

My child would never be unhappy/lonely/frustrated if I was a good parent.

My child wouldn't have been autistic if I was a good parent.

My child would recover faster if I was a good parent.

I would know how to help my child in every situation if I was a good parent.

These are beliefs that society often sells to us or we make up to take care of ourselves. If these beliefs also apply to you, how about reflecting on why you have defined your parenting skills that way and then re-defining what it means to you to be a good parent. Here's what I define as being a good parent.

That I love my child and want the best for them.

That I am doing my best to help them in each situation, even though I may not know what to do at times.

That if my child is unhappy/lonely/frustrated, then I can help them choose a different way.

That what matters the most to me is that I accept my unique and beautiful child and not how fast they recover/progress.

I would also love to hear other beliefs you have about being a good parent that work for you.


Lots of love xxx

10 Ways to Build off Squeezes

Hi all,

Many children that I have worked with at the Autism Treatment Center of America have really enjoyed squeezes on their hands, legs, heads, etc, and big body squeezes. Here are 10 ideas to try if your child likes squeezes.

1) Bring 2 pillows into the playroom and hold them in your arms. Have fun squishing your child in the pillows when they motivated for squeezes.

2) Use puppets to give squeezes on their hands and feet. Use different character voices for each puppet as you model the word squeeze them.

3) Fill a hat with adjectives written on several strips of paper (e.g. fast, slow, deep, shaky, etc). Experiment with having your child pick out of the hat to see what type of squeezes to have next.

4) For an older child, pretend you are at the day spa. Draw a menu on a piece of posterboard of the different treatments you offer at the spa (e.g. finger massage, deep massage treatment, rolling pin massage, etc).

5) Attach circles of different textured fabrics to the fingers of a cheap pair of gloves to squeeze with (e.g. Velcro, satin, foam, etc).

6) Pretend your child is a piece of pizza dough that you need to shape and mould by kneading the dough.

7) Fly around the playroom to different planets (e.g. hand planet, foot planet, elbow planet, etc). Each time you land on one of the planets, where you have to squeeze that body part.

8) Pretend that you are a blind person who can't see where to squeeze without your child looking at you. Have fun fumbling around trying to find your child each time they look away. This is a great way to work on eye contact too.

9) Work on choices with your child by having them choose which part of their body they want squeezing.

10) Roll a dice with different animal pictures on each side, then squeeze your child in the style of that animal (e.g. monkey squeeze, bird squeeze, cat squeeze, etc).

Have fun!

Eye Contact

Hello Everyone!

This weeks video blog talks about how we can encourage our children to look at us without directly requesting them to. What can we do be make ourselves more interesting and compelling for our children to want to look at us.

Click on the video below to find out.




Much love to all of you

Kate

Transitions

From Kate Wilde:

Transitions are the moment in-between one thing ending and another beginning. A moment that only exists if we cling to what has gone before - or resist what is presently happening. We know that our children with Autism have a challenge with this - but think for a moment for times in your life that you have had the exact same challenge. In your life right now -what are you clinging to? - or what change are you resisting ? Our children can be mirrors, helping us see ourselves more clearly.

When you have a time or moment in mind, close your eyes, smile and embrace your clinging, or your resisting. Love yourself - and let it go.

If you see your child with Autism having a challenge transitioning before you do or say anything - close your eyes and embrace their resistence - letting go of  resistence inside of yourself to their resistence.

Once we do that then anything can happen.

What's Your Talent?

FROM BECKY: On Friday all the staff at The Autism Treatment Center of America got together to have our annual Son-Rise Program talent show. There were dancers, poets, musicians, singers, actors and cheerleaders performing in the show.

What I enjoyed the most about it though was the inspiration of watching my dear friends push themselves outside of their comfort zones to grow themselves as people, students and role models for the children and families they work with everyday. It was beautiful!

Love Becky xxx

Games Games Games!

From Kate Wilde:


Hello Everyone!

Here at the Autism Treatment Center of America we believe that a useful toy for a child on the Autism Spectrum is one that can be used to create and inspire interaction with another person. We do not try to get a child to play with the toy, instead we use that toy as a tool to encourage our children to want to talk to us, look at us, play with us and enjoy our company.

Click on the video below to see a great toy you could use with your child and some games to go with it.

Choosing Happiness

FROM BECKY: This past weekend I was in Virginia on a Son-Rise Program In-Home Outreach, working with a wonderful family and their child with autism. On Sunday I was travelling home on a 6:45 pm flight getting me into Albany, NY around 10:30pm.

Near my home there was freezing rain, snow and an ice storm that had messed up a lot of the and flight schedules and my first flight was cancelled and re-routed to go down to Charlotte, SC and then back up to Albany where I would get home around midnight. That flight was then delayed by two hours, meaning I would miss my connection. At that point it was 8pm and I ended up staying in a hotel for the night to get a flight early in the morning.

I got up at 5am to get on a 7am flight that would get me in around noon. That way I would be able to make it back to work for Monday afternoon. Once again, the drama continued, they re-routed me to go up to Boston, MA and then back home. I finally got to Boston around 8am where I sat and waited, not knowing when I would get out of there.

I waited in Boston airport all day! I was finally getting ready to board my last plane at 6:30pm. By this time they had overbooked the airplane and now we had to wait for someone to volunteer to stay behind. Also, the flight was too heavy with all the checked luggage that had come from re-routed flights. As I boarded the plane, I called my husband, who informed me we had no power. Not only had I been on the road for 30 hours but I was coming home to a dark, unheated, waterless house in near freezing temperatures. I finally got home at 10:30pm.

During this time, eventful as it was, I managed to remain calm, content and actually happy. I really was able to choose happiness in each situation and reflected back on what I had learnt from reading the book Happiness is a Choice by Barry Neil Kaufman. I used these simple Shortcuts to Happiness and they kept me going throughout the day.

1) Make Happiness the Priority! I knew that even though things weren't going the way I would have chosen, there is nothing more important that my happiness. Really getting behind this is such a beautiful and empowering feeling!

2) Personal Authenticity! I checked in with how I was feeling throughout the time I waited and, really allowed myself to feel frustrated, uncomfortable if I wanted to. Giving myself permission to do this actually prevented me from getting uncomfortable.

3) Letting go of judgements! At one time I remember feeling judgmental of the girl behind the airline desk for the airline not to announce that one of the flights was cancelled and to leave me hanging on. When I let the judgment go, I could then have some compassion for how hard she must be working at a time where things were constantly being changed.

4) Being Present! This was something I did on goingly throughout the 30 hours. Walking around the airport, sitting reading my book or relaxing and drinking a cup of tea. Not obsessing over the fact that "I could be home by now" or "What if the next flight gets cancelled?".

5) Being Grateful! This was probably the biggest thing that kept me going. Each hour that went by, I would find something to be grateful for. Thank god I wasn't flying during the time the storm had happened, luckily I am stranded in a safe placed with plenty of people, food, etc. I am so glad I can charge my phone whenever I need to in the airport.

Although life can throw us many curve balls, try using these elements when you are having a challenging time to get back to feeling good.

Lots of love xxx

Questions for YOU!

From Kate Wilde:

Are you prioritizing your happiness today?
Is it #1 on what you are creating for yourself?

A happy parent helps a child with an open heart.
A happy parent teaches a child to create their own happiness, illuminates the way..

I so often hear a parent say that all they want for their child is to be happy - one way to start is for you to choose happiness yourself.

If not now, when?

If I could wish just one thing for you it would be for you to prioritize you own happiness NO MATTER what is happening in your life at this very momment.

With much love to you
Kate

What is in a room?

FROM SIMONE - One of the most common questions I get when I mention I run a Son-Rise Program for my son is "...but doesn't he get upset locked up in a room?"

If we think that actually there is even the expression "locked up", which means being in prison, we can see how much belief there is in a question, how much assumption of my child's feelings.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for a more natural world, for being in touch with nature, I grew up living 5 minutes walk from a beach and 2 minutes walk from a park. However, being autistic I can guarantee you that "being outside" for an autistic child is not paradise. The outside world is very challenging. There is noise, too much noise in fact, there are faces looking at you, there is extreme temperatures, too hot or too cold, there's rain and wind, there are shop windows, dog poop you mustn't step on or grown ups will start shouting, other kids looking at you in a weird way.

Yes I did live by the beach but my favourite time of the day wasn't when I was outside but when I played with my brother in our bedroom because my Brother was quiet, was understanding, he accepted my play the way I wanted to play, he didn't shout at me and run away with my toys.

I absolutely hated school. I was severely bullied at school. People noticed I was different, very shy, had gross motor challenges, was excused from gym, cried when faced with the minimum challenge, didn't know what to say most of the time, couldn't make small talk. What helped me through school years was that I liked to learn and to read but being with other children did not teach me to socialize.

What taught me to socialize was the hours and hours I spent with my Brother playing one to one in a very user friendly environment. Unknowingly my Brother was my Son-Rise Facilitator, my Mother was my Son-Rise Facilitator when she listened to me talking about Star Wars hours on end or about how I would become a Paleontologist at age 3 and dig a Diplodocus all by myself.


One thing I can say is that for an autistic child it doesn't matter if they are high functioning like me or low functioning like my son, extra verbal like me or non-verbal yet like my son, full of imagination like me or not demonstrating imagination like my son, we are all the same, we are content and most functional where we feel safe, loved, nurtured, where we are given space and time to do things our way and which better place for this than a Son-Rise playroom!

Love your room, your child does!

Inside there is a beautiful person

From Gaby:When a child is severely autistic the parents (and others) wonder how much gets into the childs brains. Does the autistic person have any clue of what happens around them? The answer is yes if I have to go by Tybalt. I’m lucky that my once severely autistic, none verbal and according to the professionals severely mentally handicapped son is coming more and more into our world and showing me that his memory of things that happened years ago are very clear.
This evening we looked at some pictures. He likes asking me where the pictures are taken and who the people are. On one of the pictures I was together with a group of people that were professional volunteers from Holland and had just as I, come for a course at the Option institute. For you who have been there, we were standing in front of the board by the son-rise house saying the Autism Treatment Center of America. “Who are they” Tybalt asked me. When I came to a boy who had worked with him some 6 years ago for 8 times max, my memory slipped me. “I can’t remember” I said. “Peter”Tybalt said matter of factly. And he was right because the boys name is Peter but how could he remember when I had forgotten? When Peter played with Tybalt he was 6 years old, none verbal and severely autistic.
Another memory lane is being brought up by Tybalt since about a month. He keeps talking about when my brother came along on a holiday 7 years ago. Looking at the foto’s this evening he said “When Roelie came with us on the holiday we went to the zoo. He cuddled me and helped me take on my cloth. It was fun.”
When I went to me start up I asked help because Tybalt had been kicking the wall night after night for 6 straight months. Tell him you have to sleep and you are tired, explain that you understand he is kicking the wall because he once broke that leg but that you can’t sleep when he kicks the wall was the advise. I must admit I was very skeptical but also desperate so that is what I did the first night I was back home. Tybalt looked at me and stopped. Months later he did it once more and once more I explained to him the same thing and he has never done it again.
For everyone out there looking at your autistic child wondering if there is a person inside understanding, believe there is. Once you may be surprised at just how much they know. Treat them with respect and talk to them as a full person because the chance is they will appreciate it and never give up the hope that you will discover that treasure inside.

How Being Happy Can Help Your Child!

FROM BECKY: I read a beautiful quote recently that resonated with me and applies so much to working with our children with Autism and running a Son-Rise Program.

"There is no path to happiness, happiness is the path" (Buddha)

I love this quote so much! When I am focusing on my own happiness and comfort first, things seem to fall into place. I get more of the things I want, I feel extremely present and loving, and I am my most effective at communicating, I excel in my job, I am the most connected in my relationships, and it feels better! So why wouldn't I choose happiness?

When you are with your child, in the playroom, around the house, etc, try prioritizing your own happiness and comfort. That in of itself will be the main thing that will help you run a successful program.

You will not be attached to, or pushing your child to recover, they will feel your acceptance of them and move toward you instead of away from you. You will be an attractive and inspiring role model and teacher for them in their lives, and you will be at your most creative and effective at knowing how to help them and what to do next. So instead of saying "I will be happy when my child changes", instead, say "My child will change because I am happy".

Happy thoughts to all!

Becky xxx

Taking the Next Step

FROM WILLIAM: As you read this stop for a moment and ask yourself what is one thing that I have done, said or thought that is caring, giving or loving of someone else. If you are having trouble finding something - go back a day or two or even the last week and find something.

Now hold that thought and allow yourself to feel good about what you did. You may start to say "yes but..." and start to think of all the things you have to handle or all the situations you have not been caring, giving or loving. Tell yourself that you are good at thinking those thoughts and now you just want to take a moment to think of a situation where you were loving, giving or caring of another person.

Allow yourself to be filled with these good thoughts and feelings and from this place take the next step in your life (i.e. doing the dishes, picking the kids up, doing the bills, fixing that window, driving to work, etc.).

Enjoy your day a little bit more than you did yesterday.

With Love and smiles

William

From Bears: Turn Up Our Love Bigger Than Ever...

What if, this week, each of us turns up our love bigger than ever? What if we chose to love not only those who appear to be great candidates, like our partners, our children, our parents, our friends, even our co-workers...but the cashier in the market, the teller in the bank, the bus driver, the telephone operator, even people who are angry and judging us? What if we choose love first, action second, 24/7? What if just one of us do that? One person can begin an evolution -- the power of one person. Now supposed two of us do it...or four, or twenty, or everyone? In that instant, the world would have changed. But actually, the world will change when just one of us takes a 24/7 leadership role -- love first, act second. But I want love to become a wave -- a wonderful, gentle but strong wave -- if you are going to be doing it this week and next, let me know. With Love and joy and optimism, Bears

Comments:

Jeannie R.- This is fascinating, because ever since I took my first Option Institute course, Fearless, about a year ago, I have been doing this and it has definitely expanded my universe in a beautiful and happy way. It was as if I let go of my resistance and decided to really be open--and of course, others opened more to me. Just making eye contact and smiling works wonders! Then, taking Radical Authenticity just helped me deepen this further I'm thrilled you are suggesting it to everyone!

Larry B. - Bears........you are on an amazing roll......kudos

Melissa W.S. - I'm going to give it a go...

Diana F. - Yes, Yes, Yes!!!! I'm turning up ze "volume!" Lots of love to give!! I'm IN!!!!

Lynn R.P. - Yes, I'm in...already previewing who I might see this week and thinking of really loving them and wanting the best for them.

Creusa B. - 'Love first, act second'... powerful mantra. A friend of mine wrote, "Just love. It is love that remains."

Cyn T.H. - Hmmmm along the lines of "Let love, and let go". Very nice!

Beth B. - Wow, Bears, I am loving seeing/hearing from you ! - I will be loving first and acting second this week - and daring to apply that to myself as well as to the rest of the world, which has always been easier for me. Thanks for the inspiration!

Obdulia A. - I love those words and thank you for the excellent idea, Can we change the world?....Yes we can!!!!! LOVE FIRST, ACTION SECOND,24/7, God Bless you Bears!

Peter A.V.L. - Hi Bears. I can't describe how incredible it feels to love first and act second with local afghan people. A whole new world has opened for me and sometimes the locals and the interpreter look at me in disbelief when I express empathy instead of anger. But it feels great and first of all I am doing it for me. Love from Afghanistan

Heather B. - Love first, then we NEVER have to judge!

Karen B. - This morning I'm loving my wonderful (if a tetch grumpy) son, Stephanie our fabulous volunteer son-rise play worker who is in the playroom with him this very moment, the cat, Bobby, for wiping his feet as he left the litter box, and my 3rd coffee, - for tasting so very good! It's a beautiful day-ay-ay, it's a beautiful day! sing! :o)))

Sherri L.D. - Hello Bears! I believe the world does change from the moment WE decide to change. Speaking from personal experience, YOU have to WANT it!!!

Lora W.B.- OK. Sure. I will start with you. I do not even know you but I will send you Internet love. :)

Bears Barry Neil Kaufman - Thank you all for being excited about really doing it...you, Ethan in Afghanistan, you, Jeannie in Ohio, us here in Massachusetts -- please copy both posting about love at the top and spread the message. Hurrah for Stephanie the Son-Rise Program volunteer and for Bobby, the Cat --- so much for all of us to love. Love not simply a feeling, but when conceived as a verb -- ah, it then becomes an action and a feeling. How cool is that? Love and gratitude, Bears

Some Inspiring Words For Our Amazing Children!!!!

From: Kim

You are so special! Great work! Way to go! Keep up the great work! You are such a fun friend/son/daughter! You are spectacular! I love being your mom/dad! You are so smart! What a great idea! You are so kind! You are so talented! What a big heart you have! What a great helper! Super Star! You Rock! Wooohooo! Outstanding! You are my superhero! You are such a great friend! You are excellent! Thanks for being Mommy’s/Daddy’s little helper! Thank you for being so special! I love having you in my life! I love your smile! You’re beautiful! Great attitude! You are so much fun! You are such a wonderful gift to me! You are so much fun to be with! I love your ideas! Super! You can do anything! What a beautiful picture, I love the colors! You are so incredible! That is so nice of you to help your mom/dad/brother/sister/friend! I love spending time with you! I believe in you! Fantastic work! You are such a cool guy/girl! You are a fabulous dancer/singer! I love talking with you, hearing you tell me your stories! Thank you for showing me your amazing smile! Thank you for being such a wonderful son/daughter/child! I love you! I love you! I love you!