Three E's Can Work Anywhere

I am sitting in the Airport watching people shuffle from one direction to the next. I catch myself excitedly waiting to see the next smile break across the hurried travelers faces. This, to me, seems like a rare jewel buried amongst a sea of people. Eye contact is low as conversations are passed between flight attendants and travelers. Greetings are lost behind hurried transactions and last minute adjustments. I am fascinated as I sit on the floor of Gate 21 awaiting the next stage of my journey. Then I see a flight attendant exit the door of Gate 20. His three E's enter the room before his feet do. He greets the tired passengers with a smile as he cracks jokes and makes eye contact with everyone that approaches him. The room seems to now breath and move with excitement. The passengers are now smiling and laughing. Even those sitting in my Gate have perked up! Can you imagine what that same energy, excitement and enthusiasm adds to your playroom? The slightest shift in your own attitude can make a profound difference in those around you!

Eye Contact!

FROM BECKY: Here at The Son-Rise Program, one of the main things we focus on is helping our children to look at us more.

Here are 20 different things you can say when celebrating your child with autism's eye contact.

1) Thank you for looking at me!

2) That was a great look!

3) I love those eyes so much!

4) I saw that beautiful look!

5) Lovely looking!

6) I love the way you are you are looking at me!

7) Wow, such gorgeous eyes!

8) You have the sweetest looks!

9) Amazing looking!

10) That was just the best look ever!

11) Fantastic looking at me!

12) That was another great look!

13) You are so good, looking at me!

14) Woohoo.......I love it when you look!

16) There's those eyes again!

17) I am so lucky to get these wonderful looks!

18) Those looks keep coming and they are fabulous!

19) I really appreciate your looks!

20) I see your eyes......I love it!

And the list goes on! Keeping your eye contact celebrations fresh and new will keep things interesting for both you and your child.

Have fun!

10 ways to make the toilet fun!

Here are 10 ways you can make going to the toilet fun,
yes actually fun!

One way that I have seen many children explore the toilet on their own accord successfully is to make it a fun and easy experience for both you and the child and use their motivations to inspire the child be near it, sit on it, and eventually use it!

1. Decorate the toilet with fun pictures or stickers of your child's favorite characters.
2. Give different stuffed animals and figurines rides to "Potty Station" to deliver their pee and poop, when your child is motivated, offer him/her a ride too.
3. Pick one of your child's main motivations (i.e.: tickles, singing, bubbles, etc) and make the toilet into Tickle/Singing/Bubble toilet! each time your child goes near, or sits on the toilet, give him/her lots of the fun activity he/she loves. Being near, or sitting on the toilet activates the fun activity.
4. Decorate the toilet like a throne and each time your child sits on it, tell him/her they are the king/queen and run to give them things (e.g. food, music, etc) as their servant.
5. Hang a fun mobile above the toilet so that when they sit on it, it's visually stimulating for them to watch. Experiment with blowing or moving the mobile for them once they sit on the toilet.
6. Try putting a couple of Cheerio's down the toilet and encourage your child to hit the Cheerio targets with their pee.
7. Use a fun, colorful seat to put on the toilet and a handy step stool if your child is smaller.
8. Celebrate! Celebrate! Celebrate! Whenever your child looks at, touches, sits on the toilet and ultimately uses it, cheer them on for all their attempts, help them to feel successful in what they are doing.
9. Give your child plenty of control, whenever he/she says "No" or resists what you're offering, celebrate him/her for showing you and drop it for a while.
10. Be persistent, keep trying in many fun and different ways, it may not happen over night, be easy with yourself and your child, believe it will happen when your child is ready!

Have fun!

From Bears: Hope & The Opposite Alternative

A Son-Rise Program Mom wrote me that the doctors said her son with Autism would never talk in a meaningful way, never interact with warmth, never feel or express affection or love. Today, that little boy speaks endless sentences, hugs, plays affectionately, asks great questions and is so curious about the world. Why do people think pessimism is realistic and optimism is unreasonable? Love, Bears

Comments:
Rhoda L.W.
I've always wondered the same myself.

Bears Barry Neil Kaufman
Let's dream our biggest dream. Let's not be limited by views of others (no matter what experties they claim) but be inspired what what we want for ourselves, our families and our children. Realism is about the past -- it has zero to do with what's possible today, right now. Hope and dreams is about today...what can be, what is possible. Two quotes I love: one is by Disraeli - "Nurture your mind with great thoughts for you will never go higher than you think." The other is mine: "Stop believing is what is and start believing in what you want!" Love and smiles, Bears

Alejandro P.C.
Woah...thats awesome

Jack M.G.
Bears - this week a mother has brought her 32 year old son here to work with us at the Autism Treatment Center of America. How beautiful is that, through the Son-Rise Program, she has reconnected with her hope and love for her son. Even at 32, she still knows he has unlimited potential and hasn't given up on helping him unleash it. I hung out with him today - he truly is the most incredible, loving, gentle man. We believe that every person - no matter how old or how challenged - deserves hope, deserves love and deserves a hand extended in friendship. Let's celebrate these fearless, tireless, and powerful parents and their beautiful, fascinating, inspiring children!

Jane L.B.
It's funny how people seem to try to trade pain today (realism) for a greater pain tomorrow (their view of optimism -or hope without conviction). But don't we find that true optimists are the ones with clarity of what they want and they go after it. In the end, they rejoice in obtaining the "prize" and they are happy. We have choices in life. I choose optimism and hope.

Jenn M.
You with the awesome questions. :o)

Pessy G.
Shall we make it up? Nah...I'm having to much fun being "Optionistic"! :)))

Simone D.L.T.
I think the reluctance on embracing Hope is because Hope is not seen exactly in the same way by everybody. The general belief I encounter for Hope is one of embracing suffering to be able to get a prize later and the possibility of disappoi...ntment if you don't get it. The liberating way we see Hope makes it a joy to enjoy any process ang get any result and energizes us making it the more possible for us to get what we want. The videos of Parents showing us how their children recovered from autism are becoming more and more common but the beauty of it is that you could film any Son-Rise family with children in any stage of recovery and they would all look the same as the Parents who already acchieved their goal, they are all happy in the same way because they've embraced Hope in its true meaning.

Alison S.T.
Sometimes I think people do pessimism as a way to take care of themselves. It happens when we become focussed on the destination rather than the journey. I used to think that if I only expected bad things to happen then I wouldn't be disappointed when they did. If I could have avoided disappointment then somehow I wouldn't need to judge myself as being stupid for not seeing the bad thing coming. So, I avoided the final disappointment and self - judgement, but look at the journey I gave myself - it was truly miserable.

Alison S.T.
Also we build evidence to support our beliefs which means that we can miss things that we would have been grateful for if only we were looking for them. Since coming to The Option Institute I have learned to do things differently - "to know... that we create our own experience means that we can create our own experience" (I think you said this first Bears ) means that we can choose hope and optimism - what an improvement on the journey - and the destination - who know's - it's not relevant to today.
Thanks for this thought provoking discussion Bears
Love hugs and smiles

Roger B.
I was really down after losing not only my love for a special person, but having my 3 little ones moved to the other end of the country at short notice (including my Aspergers boy). I wrote some words for my own comfort and read them and realised how sad they sounded and i knew they were not me. So i wrote the same verses with word changes and made myself see the silver lining and the sun breaking through, that became so powerful, it was full of optimisim and the knowledge that if we try to move forward, we will not only get through, but grow! Special people are not long lonely and now im not. Im very happy, but would i have achieved this by choosing the easier alternative? i know not. Believe in yourself, others will know you are "doing the best you can!". And if "happiness is a choice" why choose sadness because it seems easier? Its remarkably easy to be happy too. TRY IT x.

Sherri L.D.
Thank you Bears for your post. So often, we are told as parents by the so called "professionals" and teachers within the school system of our child's limitations or sometimes we are told nothing at all. Whether professionals consider this ..."realism" or not, this type of attitude sets up barriers and obstacles for a child's growth. I WANT more for my child and I BELIEVE that his journey of growth and development is infinite. Every day still has it's challenges, but I face those challenges with openness and see them has opportunities to help my son. I refuse to let anyone shut the door on my son! His journey is just beginning, and I will be there every step of the way!!!

Lorna M.
Besides...it's just MUCH MORE FUN to believe. Much, much more fun! Who doesn't want that?

Sherri L.D.
Lorna, so true! Imagine, not too long ago, people thought the Earth was flat. And, someone, believed otherwise. Thank goodness for the BELIEVERS in this world!!!

Rekha N.
Thankyou for that Bears, I was rerunning a conversation I had with my younger brother some time ago in my head earlier today. It was about Raun just having autsm and Rohan having lots more to deal with, he was reciting just what you were talking about false hope, unrealistic, proof, case histoires, etc...I decided then that we were going to create the most loving, supportive environment possible and leave all that to Rohan, he can create whatever evidence and case histories he likes. Thankyou for reminding me again it is just a choice. Love, Rekha.x

Judy M.
I think that people think pessimism is realistic and optimism is unreasonable because they are in ego thinking and believing limiting thoughts and beliefs and create limiting emotions. which are responses to their thinking and believing. As they continue this cycle, they go round and round until something inspires them to consider another way of thinking and believing or they stay stuck in their thinking and experience.
I thought for years and years up until last year that the thoughts I thought were real and true. I believed they had to be because I thought them and I must be right. Little did I know that a lot of my thoughts were negative and limiting and that they are were right, real and true. Now I question them and decide for myself if they are right, real, and true for me now or if I to want think and believe something else. I have done a lot of changing thoughts and beliefs in the last year or so and my life has changed in so many wonderful ways!

Group Meetings!

FROM BECKY: Every week here at The Son-Rise Program Intensive we hold a group meeting for the parents or the children with Autism that we work with. During this time, all the Child Facilitators who have been working with the child in our Son-Rise Program playroom get together with the parents and share their observations of the child, discuss effective techniques that they used when playing with the child and brainstorm future activities for their current goals.

Over the 6.5 years I have been here at The Autism Treatment Center of America, I have both led and been a part of many of these wonderful meetings. Having frequent group meetings for your Son-Rise Program will keep you all on the same page as a team and inspire you to keep the attitude and techniques of your program alive. Here are just a few of the reasons why I love group meetings.

1) During this meeting we focus heavily on what your child is doing, rather than what they are not doing.

2) This time to show gratitude to the child and all the team members who are part of the program.

3) It's time set aside specifically to talk about your child and your program, with no distractions and other places to be.

4) It's a bonding experience where you can really spend quality time with the people that are in your child's life.

5) You can get other team members insights and ideas when your own may be a little stale or repetitive.

6) You can practice being creative and spontaneous as you brainstorm with the team, which will help you in the playroom.

7) You can gather information about what's working and not working with your child and gain a clearer understanding of how to help them.

Please feel free to share what you love about group meetings or any thoughts you have about them.

Lots of love,

Becky xxx

Fun With Our Voice

From Kate Wilde:

This weeks video blog from The Autism Treatment Center of America demonstrates how you can use your voice in varied and interesting ways to enhance your Son-Rise Program Technique - The 3 E's -

ENTHUSIASM- EXCITEMENT - AND ENERGY!!!!!

It is not just what we do in the playroom but how we create ourselves that will make us compelling and interesting for our children on the autism spectrum to want to interact with us.

Diagnosis or no Diagnosis?

FROM BECKY: Here at the Intensive Program at The Autism Treatment Center of America this week, we have been working with a lovely family! Their amazing son with Autism is 12 and very high functioning and interactive.

In helping this family this week, the following question has come up several times. "How much of his behavior is to do with his Autism and how much is not?" The answer we keep coming back to is "What does it matter?" Regardless of whether our child is showing certain behaviors because he is still having a challenge connecting and coping with the world around him or whether he is being a typical 12 year old, testing his boundaries in life. The real question is "How do we want to show up as a parent/caregiver?"

We are role models for our children, they learn how to be in this world and what matters by what we teach them. Just by being the sort of parent, friend or teacher we want to be will help and support them diagnosis or no diagnosis. And it certainly feels better to do it in a non-judgmental, loving and accepting way.

Community Events

From Kate Wilde:

Exciting News - during the month of April, May and June - the senior teachers of The Son-Rise Program are going to be giving a series of free lectures at different locations in Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, New York, Connecticut and other States close to The Autism Treatment Center of America.

We want to reach out to the Autism communities in our own" back yard" and spread the word of the amazing work of  The Son-Rise Program, and help as many children and families as we can. I will be blogging about and adding on face book the different locations we will be at.  Please pass this on to any families you know who would benefit from such an event.

On April 16th we will be talking at the Girls and Boys Club in Albany NY - click on the link below to find out the exact location.

http://www.bgcalbany.com/
See you there!!!

with much love Kate

Short and Sharp

From Kate Wilde:

During a a phone consultation at The Autism Treatment Center of America I was helping a Son-Rise Program  father with the notion of how to discipline his child with autism.. This Father believed that being short and sharp with his son got the most immediate results - ie he stopped doing what his father did not want him to do. Short and sharp meant he would raise his voice with a sharp tone and sometimes would also grab the boy roughly.

This boy did stop when he Father spoke to him like this and he has started to stop when his Father entered the room, but it had not stopped the behavior happening at other times. His son had also started to adopt the same short and sharp behavior when he did not want something to happen. Thus in the long term this was not working.

Also if we are wanting our children to want to interact with us, to enjoy being in a relationship with us then it is important that we interact with them, even when we are setting a boundary in a sweet, peaceful and loving manner.

Prioritize the long term goal of promoting relationship over the short term goal of getting your child to stop what they are doing in the momment.

With much love Kate

The 3 E's

From Kate Wilde:
Good Morning Everyone!

Click on the video below to see how you can use The Son-Rise Program technique  "The 3 E's" to become more dynamic and compelling for your child to want to look at you.





Have a great weekend using The 3 E's with your children on The Autism Spectrum

With much love
Kate

Some Tips on Beauty... ;)

True beauty...
Today at the Autism Treatment Center of America in the Son-Rise Program office one of our amazing child facilitators and a sweet loving friend Camila shared with the office the following poem by Audrey Hepburn --- we enjoyed it so much I thought you would as well!!!


For attractive lips,
Speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes,
Seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure,
Share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair,
Let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise,
Walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things,
Have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,
And redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
You will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
One for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

Sweet thoughts and much love,
Kim

Re-initiating the Same Game!

FROM BECKY: I was working with a wonderful parent of a child with Autism in our Son-Rise Program Intensive this week. I was observing him playing with his sweet four year old son in such a beautiful way. His son was really motivated for snacks from the shelf and his father was working on attention span and helping his child use the clear, single word "Eat".

This lovely boy was doing so amazingly and made many attempts at saying the word "Eat". he seemed to enjoy being challenged and said the approximation "ee" many times. At one point he also said the whole word "Eat" really clearly! This interaction had everything going for it. His son was connected (smiling, looking, trying again and again to say the word). There was a clear motivation that his Dad was offering him, helping him to stay involved and his Dad was bright, fun and really user-friendly as he ran to the shelf again and again to get him more snacks, he requested so beautifully while celebrating his sons language.

After playing that for about 7-8 minutes, his son was exclusive so he joined him for about three minutes until he gave another green light of looking in his Dad's eyes. With this look, his Dad initiated a tickle game. My feedback to him was to RE-INITIATE the SAME GAME! Go back to the original game they were playing of working on the word "Eat". Here are the reasons why re-initiating the same game is really effective with your child.

1) It helps your child to FOCUS on ONE ACTIVITY and going back to the same game INCREASES his/her INTERACTIVE ATTENTION SPAN skills.

2) There was a CLEAR MOTIVATION in the game that he already knew his child loved and wanted so the work on finding a new motivation was not needed.

3) He was doing so well with trying to say the clear word that there was more to go in INSPIRING GROWTH for his child. The game had so many fantastic elements that there no need to try another one until your child is showing no more interest in the game that was being played before.

Have fun RE-INITIATING!

Clarity of Speech

From Kate Wilde:

Last week I worked with the most adorable three year old girl with Autism. She had blond wavy hair that she liked to shake, wore a white onesie and was so generous with her smiles and hugs. We named her fairy girl because of her looks and her beautiful spirit. She made many wonderful sounds, often spoke in long sentences, which most of the time were very musical and completely unclear.

Her challenge was clarity of speech- while working with her it became apparent that often she would not put her lips together when talking - thus it was not surprising that she was unclear. Once we knew this then we could help her be clearer by using the following Son-Rise Program techniques:

1. Explaining in detail how to and when to put her lips together to make a sound.
2. Modeling how and when we put our lips together while forming a word.
3. Celebrating her whenever she did put her lips together.

If your children are unclear take some time and watch how they are using their mouths. Do they open their mouths or just mumble without opening their mouths much? Do they touch their lips together to form the "B" or "P" sounds? Do they use their tongue at the back of their teeth or the roof of their mouths? Do they contract their lips to make an ":eee" sound - or round their lips to make a "RRR" sound? Once you know what it is that they are not doing you can then be clearer in helping them to be clearer.

With love to you all
Kate

The Stimulus of Physical Illness

FROM WILLIAM: I have just been ill for the last week. It all started with my teenage son bringing home a nice bug from school that resulted in him vomiting, having diarrhea and being laid up in bed for a few days. Then my teenage daughter got it and even thought I told myself that I would not get it, I did!

One of the things I learned from my kids when they were very young and got ill was that you did not have to resist it, be frustrated or complain or whine about it. They simple got on with being ill and let their bodies do what they need to do, without all the fuss and bother. This is not to say that it was not physically uncomfortable or challenging but they simply did not add the unhappiness piece. So every time I get ill I try to practice what they taught me.

So last week after getting over the initial "I have so much to do I can't be getting ill right now..." unhappiness, I settled into being ill. I found this experience to be quite enjoyable - watching my body be ill and recover. Don't take me wrong - I am not wanting to be sick again but since I was, I might as well enjoy the process.

In some ways being ill is no different than any other stimulus that happens to us and then it all boils down to what type of experience are you going to give yourself when faced with it. Being comfortable with my sickness did not make it dissappear but it did make the journey easier and I believe helped my body recover faster.

Enjoy your stimulus!

Love and smiles

William

Games Games Games!

Hello Everyone!!!

This weeks video blog from the Autism Treatment Center of America helps you with two things - great game ideas to help your child on the Autism Spectrum want to interact and engage with you and what you can do with your odd socks : - )!




Enjoy and delight in your time with your beautiful children.

Happy Anniversary to me!

FROM BECKY: Today is the fifth Anniversary of my marriage to my beloved husband Ben! I dedicate this blog to our relationship, to how we have grown both as individuals and as a couple. Over the past five years I have learnt to let go of needing him to be a certain way, I have learnt what it means to love him unconditionally, I mean really unconditionally and how ineffective it is in our relationship when I put conditions on my love.

I have learnt how I can apply all the principles of The Son-Rise Program to my marriage and "Put a playroom on it" whenever challenges have come up. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that my training in The Son-Rise Program and The Option Process has enriched our relationship and helped mould it into what it is now and I am eternally grateful for that!

Happy Anniversary to me!

WARM & SWEET...Tea With Bears!

For your enjoyment!

With the release of the Happiness Is A Choice - No Matter What, 2011 Option Institute Catalog, staff members at The Option Institute and Autism Treatment Center of America had the opportunity to participate in a fun activity. I'm honored to share with you staff contest winner and wonderful Son-Rise Program Child Facilitator, Kim Korpady’s SWEET and THOUGHTFUL account of her prize winning, Tea With Bears!

"I had the honor and true privilege to spend a morning having tea with Bears! How incredibly sweet and delicious as an experience to have. Some would say lucky, but I enjoy believing that this experience was brought into my life by my own personal will and want to have incredible experiences happen to me, and also too, my desire to have meaningful opportunities present themselves! I have opened my eyes, my heart, and my mind to practicing being a present, loving, and grateful person (and I truly thank The Option Institute for guiding me in this lifestyle). My time with Bears was spent expanding and adding to ways in which I can fill my life with MORE incredible and meaningful experiences. I dove into this time with him with the desire to grow myself and make my life even bigger!

What I asked for help and guidance with from this time with Bears was this... my hope, and desire was to develop more meaningful relationships in my life- and to find comfort in the times I may not find it easy and instantaneous. I spoke of my gratitude for the life I have created here-- with my Son-Rise Program family and at The Option Institute. I spoke of my love for the people I spend my day with and how growing with them daily has helped to create this bond of love, a growing history and familiarity in the comfort of friendships that I share with them. As I write this now I smile, grateful for my life and the people in it. I feel excited by the thought that I have a want in my life to create more of this. I have made this my home and now I want to stretch myself to create bonds of friendship and familiarity with more people- people that I come in contact with outside of my Son-Rise Program and Option Institute friends. I want to stretch myself to create relationships continually and exercise my ability to connect with others.

I shared with Bears this desire to connect with others, and how sometimes I find that when I try to connect I am not always greeted with the same smiling Son-Rise Program/Option Institute warmth and love as I have found with the people I spend my days with here. Bears helped me realize my ability to find comfort in those moments- I realized how no matter what I can continue to show up in my life happy and comfortable in situations where I may not find a smiling face and friendly embrace. These are the tools he gave me:

The greatest gift he shared with me was the awareness to always show up as myself- as I have so much to offer others!
As we spoke of this, he gave me a little (but powerful) saying to take with me in my -social connection adventures- with others : “No, means next”!!! If I don’t initially find a connection with someone or an openness to form a relationship with that person, I simply move on to another person and persevere to find someone I do connect with. This is just like The Son-Rise Program playroom (and here I am simply putting a playroom around my life), when I may not initially find what a child is motivated for I don’t take this as “no” forever or indefinitely, I simply find something else which they may find motivating--- and our connections grow by my desire to discover what that something else is!

Thank you Bears for sharing your knowledge, your love, and all your warmth!
I feel so blessed to have shared this time with you, to connect and deepen our relationship!!"

Much much love,

Kim Korpady

Son-Rise Program Child Facilitator

Green Lights

FROM BECKY: Here is a helpful tool to use in your Son-Rise Program playroom. YOU CAN NOT CREATE A GREEN LIGHT with your child with Autism. They will DECIDE on their own when they are ready to look, verbalize or make physical contact with you.

A green light comes from your child and your child ONLY! The more you JOIN your child with Autism's repetitious and exclusive behaviors and WAIT for a green light, the more you are HELPING them stretch themselves within their CORE CHALLENGE. You are INSPIRING them to SPONTANEOUSLY choose YOU over their ism.

Have fun!